a perfect fall Saturday 29 September 2007

Saturday, September 29
62 days to the Big Race
12:50-1:30. That’s right, 40 minutes of pure badassery.
Run 15, walk 5, run 5, walk 15. Does that math add up? I’m real rusty at math these days. That’ll be my next big project.
iMix:
Desperate Guys (way to intuit, iPod. The Faint starts a workout out right)
Billy Liar (dare I say, perhaps my favorite Decemberists song)
My Doorbell
Pink Triangle (at founders’ park by this time)
Summer Love
Bella Note (Boonville, homeless people)
Somebody Told Me
Night And Day
Shake That–?
Soul meets body
Friday I’m In Love
Oxygen
Cable Car (workouts get longer, iMix gets longer)

TEETH
So I’ve meant to write about this a few separate times now, but I always forget by the time I walk back and cool down. But often at the end of an intense run, my TEETH will hurt. Not really hurt, even, but more I am aware of the presence of the nerves in my gums. They are pulsing, the blood is rushing through them and swirling around my teeth. I can feel them throbbing. Is that what happens right before you pass out? It’s always right as I’m stopping a run, and feeling at my most worn out.

Today I was infinitely bad-ass. Well, I only ran 20 of the 40 minutes, but it’s getting easier. However, my calves still hurt.

It’s a BEAUTIFUL fall Saturday afternoon. Like, ideal. Walking back in Wallace parking lot I just closed my eyes and tilted my head toward the sun for a while, like a hero would in a feel-good studio movie after he/she has triumphed over some everyman obstacle. It’s so perfect I can’t stand it. I want to roll around in the grass.

Another thing I can’t stand: I saw at minimum 20 homeless people today, more than I ever have before on a run. I changed up my course a little and ran south to St. Louis on Benton, back north on Boonville, and at Boonville and Chestnut there was a large gathering, I always try to say hi, but at the same time can’t help but feel a little pompous no matter how nice I try to be. In my bright orange college Tshirt, with my iPod shuffle in my ears, my new running shoes. My job and my apartment and my relatively normal life.

Some are on bikes, one was on oxygen, others are no doubt on something else. Some carry many possessions and don’t look up. Others look me straight in the eye—and this is either comforting or chilling. But either way it reminds me they are PEOPLE.

I just don’t feel right about it, Springfield. I feel like there’s something we should be doing for these people –I should be doing. Besides just running on by, and doing whatever I do with a perfect fall Saturday.

what running smells like 27 September 2007

Fri 09/27
8:55-9:20, ran 15, walk the rest
iMix:
My Love
Nice and Easy—Frank Sinatra (good for starting a run)
I’ve Got You Under My Skin (oh Frank, you never get old)
1234–Feist
Someone To Love
Hide and Seek
Doorbell—White Stripes. Kind of sounds like tap dancing in the background.
The Way I are
The best is yet to come–again Frank

God! It still hurts! Feel like Michael Scott trying to finish that Rabies 5k last night. “I may puke my guts out, but I will never puke my heart out.”

Observations: Frank Sinatra was a master of subtlety. “The Best Is Yet to Come” is really sexier than I ever gave it credit for in high school, and he got away with that in the 60s.

I had a nice moment when I temporarily forgot I was running. I was thinking about the day ahead (trip to target, ending in another Skinny show. Damn. Jeff’s got me where he wants me now, and I can’t say no…) and I really for a few seconds wasn’t thinking about my iPod or breathing or leg pain or any of that.
It kind of felt like flying.

Running near Cox North, saw a person on the bus stop bench, and was preparing myself for what is always an awkward eye-contact-plus-hello with any passersby on the street. But as I got close enough, and prepared to glance over and pant “hi” in my runner’s voice, I notice she appears to be a different kind of high already. Slumping toward the street, eyes barely open, looking like a possessed person in a horror movie. Eek.

Today was a very olfactory run. Near the frat houses it went from smelling like shit to smelling like grape hard candy. And then central street smelled like Silver Dollar City fried food for a span.

I need to drink more water. Kzim promised it would help with soreness, and I need all the help I can get.

it hu-u-urts 26 September 2007

Wed, September 26
8:49 a.m.-9:15

Holy SHIZ! My legs hurt SO BAD. They hurt like tooth pain, only tooth pain that is shooting up both my longest appendages. SHIT! I can’t sit, I can’t stand, I can’t walk. Is this supposed to be fun? Maybe I shouldn’t try to run twice in a 24-hour span, but Kevin works out 3 times a day. If I’m going to be in Race-Shape in a mere 65 days (holy shit!) Then I need to get moving. But it hu-u-urts…

If this is what other regions would feel like during childbirth, I am NEVER having babies. I feel like I’m making similar noises of pain and anguish.
Oh GOD it hurts so bad. Advil. I need Advil.

yes you can 25 September 2007

Tuesday September 25
6:45-7:05
iMix:
Summer Love
El Scorcho
Clock–tom yorke
Billy liar
All of your love
My love
Creep
De ja vu

RAN FOR 20 MINUTES! THAT’s CONSECUTIVE! THAT’S NOT STOPPING! ☺
Not all that great, considering it’s going on 2 months, and considering my BIG RACE is 66 days away (thanks, count-down widget!) but considering I’ve had 3 days off and I thought I wasn’t going to make it 5 minutes, then 15 minutes…it just shows, if you say YES YOU CAN, then YES YOU CAN!

I’m every woman.
Why isn’t that on my iPod?

Next Big Race Plan: develop my ½ marathon power playlist, with “livin on a prayer” strategically placed, where else, when I’m Halfway There.

Jen called…she and Sesha are planning to do the Dec 1 race too. See, now I have companions. People who I can’t let down. How very Confucian of me ☺

growth and recovery 20 September 2007

Thurs Sept 20
7:45-8:10 Ran 10, walk 4, ran 5, walk…6. Math is power.

Today’s iMix:
Can you feel the love tonight
Gotta get thru this
Gravity
Eye of the tiger
My love
Zac and Sara
Baby boy
Soul meets body

My long sleeve T has sweat all down the back. That’s probably the sexiest thing in the world.

I just had to throw away my plant that I won at staff meeting last week. It smelled like dead plant. And I did all the right things. Watered, gave light, and it was doing just fine until Tuesday when it wasn’t. Just wilted like someone had let the air out of it. Sad. I liked my little baby daisies. ☹

But on to the run! Like having the new run watch. It’s light weight. It, yes superficial but whatever works, makes me feel more athletic. It’s pink. ☺ But knowing exactly how long you’ve run has its drawbacks, too. Then I KNOW it’s only been 8 ½ minutes at a mile (wow. And I thought I was going a slow pace. Apparently I can go 1.5 minutes slower. Need to work on that.) and my goal was to run 30 minutes w/o stopping today, balls out. Didn’t quite get there…
Blame strength training yesterday?
Blame that I was up at 7:30 but not asleep before 3:00?
Blame Xmas morning jitters feeling re: Skinny mainstage and sidekick news last night?

Whatever’s to blame, my legs HURT. And I don’t just mean “I’m a girl and I don’t work out much so my legs are kinda sore.” NO. They F*CKING HURT. Like I can’t even walk like a normal human being. Like I feel like one leg is somehow longer than the other and I’ve developed this tight-hipped limp. (I know it’s not true, but sore-me has an active imagination.)

@ convo with Kevin (hail alma mater)
Me: Another running question.
He: [twiddles fingers in anticipation]
Me: my calves hurt. And I mean HURT. I almost couldn’t walk today.
He: probably just growth and recovery. Growth and recovery.
Me: yeah, but I felt like I had a disability.

Growth and Recovery. Not a bad mantra for life in general.

frick! my calves hurt! 18 September 2007

Tuesday September 18
7:05-7:30 ish
FRICK my calves hurt!

I am too busy to run this week, but I run anyway. This is a good sign.
Swallowed first mid-run bug today. Excellent.
Passed scary Tom Waits-looking fellow on central. Smiled, but he didn’t smile back.

Running was part of my weeknight shopping spree last night, Beginners Guide to Long Distance Running (per Jennie’s recommendation) at Borders. And a $9.99 timex run watch. It’s black and pink. Next on the agenda: bitchin’ shorts.

I plan to bring back the word bitchin’.

OH more running as metaphor for dating life: if you start out too fast, you end up screwing up the whole experience. I always do that (ha. with running that is). I start out at a long-stride near-sprint, and wear myself out. If I’ll start at a slower-than-seems-necessary pace, I’ll sustain that for the long run. Done and done.

fountains of wayne. who knew. 17 September 2007

Monday September 17
7:45-8:20 run/walk
Little Things—Colbie Callet (however I can’t handle sappy girl ballads right now. Not today.)
Someone to Love—Fountains of Wayne (I know. Who knew? This song is God proving he still has a sense of humor.)
All of your love
Billy Liar—new favorite Decemberists song
I need a lover who won’t drive me crazy
Rebellion (lies) I never get tired of Arcade fire
Baby Boy—Beyonce. Another song that I would be embarrassed if everyone could hear my ipod played aloud
Sittin up in my room—Brandy. funny, junior high me was a HUGE sap. I think I’d be impatient with her if we were pals.
Soul Meets Body—Death Cab

So at the start of my run today, had that same “I don’t feel like running” feeling, and noticed that when you first get started, it feels awkward and unnatural. You’re aware of every single movement and it feels a little forced, but once you get over those first few minutes of strain, it starts to feel natural and not forced and the best, most comfortable release in the world.

The running-as-metaphor-for-life just continues. So starting to run is kinda like starting a relationship. You think, this doesn’t feel quite right. I’m not cut out for this. You’re hyperaware of every little movement, and overanalyze every uncomfortable moment. But if you just shut up and get over that…usually it works out. And you discover you’re better at it than you thought.

And you look better in your jeans. Possibly true for both sides of the metaphor.

When it’s late, and it’s hot
and a date with the late show’s all that you’ve got,
don’t give out, don’t give up,
one of these nights you might find someone to love
Oh fountains of wayne, you are such clever lyricists…

strange day 15 September 2007

Saturday September 15
11:45-12:30 p.m. Nice. Not consecutive running, but a surprising amount of “I’m worn out but I’ll try again anyway and find the second, then third, wind” running.
iMix:
Hey!—Usher
Livin Thing—ELO
Can you feel the love tonight—Lion King
Rebellion—Arcade Fire
Fantasy—Mariah
Somebody to Love—Queen
El Scorcho—Weezer
Fat Bottomed Girls—Queen, but couldn’t quite get into it ☺
Soul Meets Body—Death Cab
All of your love—hellogoodbye
My Love—JT
The Way I Are—Timbaland. Oh how you are the soundtrack to my life.

So just a strange start to the run today. And a sign that I can run even when I feel funky. I for real need to do laundry, so I’m left running in my knee length sweatshorts, and a long sleeve T (recommended by my expert for colder days) and my hair looks gross and I haven’t shaved my legs in recent memory and it’s just kind of a cold, not-cloudy-but-not-sunny day, so I feel funky.

And I time leaving my apartment just at the right time to run into a professor headed toward his house, about 15 feet away. I hope I didn’t look as deer-in-the-headlights as I felt, on the day I hope I don’t see anyone…and I’m hauling my trash to the dumpster. Grateful for my earbuds as an excuse to just say “hi” and keep walking, I book it to the dumpster at an alarming speed then veer sharply west to get to my Benton destination. =dweeb. I’m half self conscious that he can also hear Usher “HEY” as if it is the soundtrack of the day and not just playing on my ipod shuffle. I’d feel even more embarrassed if my former English Professor knew I was listening to outdated hip hop.

Then I walk longer than I’d need to down Benton, just not quite feeling ready to run. Like those nightmares where my body forgets how to run, and I’m stuck fast-strolling away from danger. But I finally make myself get going, to some Disney tunes, when I see a gold grand am (I often wonder if I’ll run into Jen) and the person inside starts waving. WHY GOD WHY! And there’s a gorgeous friend in her passenger seat, taking some post-wedding photos “for fun”. We are the 2 ends of the dressed-up spectrum.

So I run off with “can you feel the love tonight” singing to me, feeling odd about the day, my encounters, my athleticism. And I’m not able to run super far, I make it past Jordan Valley then stop, then run some more up Sherman, then get a good 2nd wind up Central and Jefferson. Strange, and a good lesson, that once I pass a certain point where I THINK I can’t go on, I can actually go on pretty well indeed.

I…have made dinner!! 14 September 2007

Friday, September 14
8:30-8:50
Ran a little, mostly walked. Kinda chily morning, and my knee HURT. It aches down into my calf muscle. Need to do strength more consistently.

During the run I noticed that if you pay attention, it’s fun to observe people’s houses. The things they collect. One porch has many potted plants, which leads me to wonder if they had a death in the family. Another is cluttered with stacks of yellowed newspapers and cardboard boxes, piles that only grow with each run. This house also has a collection of wind chimes hanging above, various collectibles-store ceramic ones, and one confederate flag chime that swirls in the wind. Huh.
All these descriptions seem hollow. What’s the deal, me?

I cooked a for real chicken/pasta/brocolli dinner experience from Kraft Food & Family. Afterwards was so proud I was saying, “I…have made dinner!” in manner of Tom Hanks in Cast Away.

i scream for ice cream 12 September 2007

September 12

Spent a chunk of my evening outside at Founders Park working on my blog. Lovely.

Later looked up the name of my fav American Idol ice cream flavor online (the one I was so excited to buy at walmart a month ago), to discover it WON! And will be a part of the Edy’s lineup! I have never seen me so excited ☺