i couldn’t help but wonder 30 May 2008

It is past 3:00 a.m., and with the weekend I have ahead of me (bachelorette weekend! wine! friends! catching up!) I should be asleep.  But for good reason I’m not tired.

Just saw The Sex and The City Movie, and it is perfect.  It is all that I hoped it would be, and I can’t wait to see it again with any and all friends who would like to.

Leaving the theater, chattering with 2 girlfriends of mine, I was caught up in the buzz of excited voices, 100 other friendships blending together in the hallway.  The EXPERIENCE of this movie is every bit as enjoyable as the movie itself.  The moments of spontaneous applause.  Collective shock.  Full House soundtrack-like “ooooh”s.  Delicious.

 

At a scene near the very end (which I can’t reveal, for fear of spoiling)  I was crying, for reasons bigger than the movie…and that’s when I realized a bunch of different things at once.

This movie IS bigger than the movie.  For me, what makes this whole thing meaningful is so much more than shoes and romantic plots and snappy dialogue.  

I feel like these characters are friends, in a way, in that I can see bits of myself in each of them.  In their flaws, their failures, their friendships, their f*ing things up, their figuring things out. 

Sitting there, tearing up in the theater, I realized this moment and this show are about friendship. Hokey as it sounds.  Not the friendships in the show, though they are fun to watch, but my friends.  The episodes we’ve watched over glasses of wine, the trivia games, the ex-boyfriend comparisons, the “that reminds me of the episode…” moments.  It’s all silly, I know, but it’s also REAL.  This show is something I’ve shared with many of my friends, and thousands of strangers.

The show is about so much more than shoes. 

It’s about how men can do terrible, unforgiveable things in relationships. 
It’s about how women can absolutely do the same.
It’s about how sometimes two people can seem to have it all together, but inside be falling apart.
It’s about how sometimes two people have every reason to fall apart, but find a way to stick together.
It’s about making the same mistake until you finally learn from it.
It’s about second chances.
It’s about PUNS. Glorious, snarky, eye-rolling puns.
It’s about WRITING.
And yes, it’s also quite a bit about shoes.

So I cried, feeling all those things in one split second, and realizing also for all the 100s of reasons that are more complicated, this is perhaps the most easy to explain:  Jason and I will never work because this is a moment (this movie, these feelings) he wouldn’t understand.

I recall a fight we had A LONG time ago (long enough ago that I would’ve been defending Spongebob Squarepants.  Oh, 19-year-old me…) when we weren’t getting along, and I was making friends with a boy who got along with me quite well. I liked Spongebob, as did this friend, and Jason did not. I don’t remember any details really except for him saying, “you would break up with me over Spongebob F*cking Squarepants?!”

And I didn’t then.
But I would now.  

Coulda Woulda Shoulda.

 

 

 

 

sometimes life listens 27 May 2008

Back to the blogging roots…a few notes on running:

iMix:
The best is yet to come—michael buble
You know me—the format
Somebody told me—killers
Rebellion—arcade fire
The last time—gnarls barkley
Closer to mercury—wheat
Be gentle with me—the boys least likely to
if you really love me—stevie wonder

Running. I’m happily addicted once again. I don’t know how I was able to take a break from it for so long. (Well, I wasn’t able to really.  Winter was rough.  Stressed, depressed, back with ex-boyfriend for a while.  A dark time.  Then along came the spring, and thank God life is turning around.)  It’s still the best way to clear my head and feel better about everything in general.

I like running after the rain (aside from the super-steamy feeling). The splashing feet, the smell of wet grass.  Downtown Springfield in the rain smells like fishing.  At one point like Silver Dollar City…you know, the mixture of pavement and plants and soggy shoes?  I did learn a handy tip today:  you’re supposed to put newspaper in your shoes after a rainy run.  Thanks, google.

 

Sorry I have been gone for so long, dear readers.  What with the semester ending, planning for MSA in June and two weeks in Italy in July, and a couple other big changes that are on the way, I just haven’t had the time to sit down and write.  Plus I’m trying to finish many books at once…

• The God of the Small Things (I have to finish this for MSA Reads)
• Eat, Pray, Love (want to read this again before Italy)
• As the Romans Do (obvious reasons)
• Truth in Comedy (being funny is hard work, and I have to take 6 weekends off from performing)
• Donors are People Too (this has a lot to do with the new big changes)
• PLUS skimming all my writing books for good readings/exercises for the class I’m teaching…

AND after the recommendation of multiple friends, I started Twilight, a 500 page teen-romance-horror monster that I can NOT put down.

Suddenly I’m 14 years old again.  I giggle at the intensity of this high school romance.  And also just can’t believe how intense my feelings used to be.  The things you imply as a sixth grader that you have no intention whatsoever of fulfilling… (at least I didn’t, and I still can’t fathom that some twelve year olds DO. DAMN!)  This book is just delicious. It’s 500 pages of pure literary junk food, and I’m eating it up. 
I honestly love that I get to work at a camp for sixteen year olds this summer, because I KNOW that a large number of them will love it too, and we can chat about it and I can forget for a minute or two that I’m almost 25.

PS it’s going to be a movie…check the trailer, also delicious…

 

But what are these “big changes” all about, you ask?  Well, all in good time, dear reader.  There are some important people in my real life who do not know, so I feel like I should tell them first.  Plus I have to have some suspense to keep you coming back when I don’t write for 2 weeks at a time…

Let’s just say I’m learning that when you say to life: “I’m open to something new,” sometimes life listens.  It’s exciting and challenging and a little scary—as most good new things are.

 

I’m kind of in love 13 May 2008

Now don’t get any ideas, dear reader.  It is springtime in Springtown, and what with all the green grass and bunnies hopping and clear nights fit for strolling, a single girl’s in extreme danger of getting a little antsy.  But the love I’m talking about has nothing to do with a boy, and everything to do with just hanging out with me, and some totally amazing excellent discoveries.

 

1)  Park Central Library

I had some time to kill between meetings downtown last week, so I decided to kill it in the new downtown library. And I’m totally in love.  I can’t wait for the semester to end so I can spend some quality time with my computer and my Italy guidebooks and feel 10x cooler than I am while doing it.  (It’s that kind of place.)

I’m reminded, of course, of my first love:  Christian County Library in Ozark.  When I was pre-kindergarten-ish, mom would take me to story time in the kids section. 

This is where I memorized Old Hat New Hat before I was old enough to read. 

This is where I had my first experience at laughing out loud at a book, some book of poetry about vegetables…I don’t even remember the title, but I remember how excited I was to discover I could take it home.

This is the first place I put together “books” and “magical”, and somehow between the huge paper mache dinosaur, and the friendly little old ladies, and the story-themed costume parties, it stuck.

I’m still kind of in love with libraries.  I love holding a book from the Drury library that hasn’t been stamped checked out in eight years. 
Twenty years.

It’s just been waiting, all this time, for me. 

 

2)  RadioLab

I think I might just have a new favorite podcast.  It’s funny, smart, interesting, tells a good story, teaches good facts.  (Shoot. If it gave good hugs and looked good in shorts I’d ask it to marry me.)

RadioLab from WNYC is the perfect blend of nerdiness and “woah cool!” facts and humor and human connection.  Seriously. Stop reading and go to iTunes and download one.  I started with “Stress” and moved next to “Laughter”.

(A highlight:  female baboons prefer “Alan Alda” to “Schwarzenegger” males. “When it comes to evolution, nice guys do not finish last.”  Oh this makes no sense, you say?  Trust me.)

Of course I’m reminded of my first love:  This American Life.  It all started when I would listen to these while I did dishes in my apartment last year.  I’d heard good things and caught bits of episodes here and there, but it wasn’t until I stopped to really appreciate it by myself, for myself, that I discovered I was kind of in love with it.  Watching Ira Glass live a couple of weeks ago only made the heart grow fonder.  Hearing him say that at least 50% of his creative process is just trying to come up with good ideas, and that it took him a long time to get good at what he does.  It gives me hope. And it all has a lot to do with #3.

 

3) Stories

This one is not as easy to articulate, but I’ll try.  I’m fascinated by people’s stories, how stories are how we define ourselves, how life and relationships gain deeper meaning through them.

I often (and this is where it gets weird, stick with me) get caught up in the stories of strangers.  It’s why I love a good true story on TV, am drawn to nonfiction writing, and often find myself inspired after trips to Wal-Mart… 

There’s a middle-aged, fatherly man running the speedy checkout one Sunday night.  As I walk up he looks lonely, tired.  I strike up conversation, nothing terribly meaningful, just that my one item is possibly my smallest purchase ever.  And as I walk away I smile and so does he.

What’s weird is part of me really wants to know why he is lonely and tired.  Part of my heart wants to help him.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately that stories are a way to help. 

People who are lonely, depressed, overwhelmed, often just need to feel heard and understood.

Nonprofit organizations need money, there are plenty of people in this town with money to give, but the link has to be more than a vague “cause”, no matter how important the cause may be.  The cause has to be about people, the story of the real man who battles mental illness and can’t hold down a job, the real kid whose life is forever changed by seeing Peter Pan on stage for the first time.

Real connections that remind us we’re all in this together.
Hm. I could think about this for two hours. So I’ll stop now.

…

So let’s not kid ourselves here, all this talk about being in love is bound to make a girl think about being in love, especially with the amount of Michael Buble and Cole Porter I’ve been taking in lately.

I’m trying my hardest to live what I believe to be true:  that what matters is that I’m in love with life, that I’m enjoying things exactly as they are right now, and if I can handle that, then eventually I’m going to bump into the guy who is kind of in love with the same things I am.

Or I won’t.  And that’s the thing, right? I’m supposed to be okay either way…I think I can do that, but sometimes I worry I’ve seen too many Meg Ryan movies, and I won’t be okay until Billy Crystal runs to me on New Year’s Eve and makes me cry through affectionately recalling inside jokes.

ha. 12 May 2008

Ok, so I’m a little behind on posts.  Please forgive.

Just thought everyone should know, if you search for “bitchin running shorts” on google, my blog is on the first page of search results.  Something about that makes me very, very happy.

Lately people have also done A LOT of linking from “Brad Pitt” searches.  Lesson learned:  mention celebrities, get more blog traffic.

BLOGIVING: thursday edition 1 May 2008

Ok here’s the scoop.  I’m super-tired.  But I promised that I’d write something every day for volunteer week, so today I will just be lazy and share some good volunteering websites with you.  Check ‘em out!

Volunteer Match

Donation Dashboard

Don’t Almost Give

Art for Change

826 Valencia

All this reminds me that I am very excited that I opened a del.icio.us account this week.  Love me some social bookmarking!

(Some kids are watching Fight Club in the lobby, and right now all the buildings are exploding and The Pixies are singing.  This has nothing to do with anything but it’s a fun moment to hear through a wall.)

Night night.