on nerdcamp. on randomness. on eating veggie. 15 June 2008

I love nerd camp.
Nowhere else do I get to see 330 kids do Japanese Taiso on MU’s quad in the morning, teach a class and watch students get excited about writing / designing the MSA newspaper, hold a discussion on facebook and philanthropy (learning some cool new websites for myself in the process), see a steel drum band (did you know they originated in Trinidad and Tobago?), sit in a master class with Missouri’s Poet Laureate, all in one day.

It’s the happiest place on earth, but I’m also exhausted. You may have noticed I haven’t written in two weeks. The days here are so long, and yet the weeks fly by so fast.

 

So I’ve had a lot on my mind in the last two weeks (obviously. I’m working at a camp made of, by, and for gifted people…)

One theme that keeps popping up in my life is randomness. Mainly the complete randomness of friendship, and the random appearance of inspiration. Some examples:

1) Amanda and I went to a “The Network” event a few weeks ago, and sampled wine with other young professionals. I giggle at that term, “young professional”, though I suppose it applies. I am young. I am employed. I am trying my best to be successful and involved in the community. I own more than one pair of The Editor pants.
Anyway, we’re having a grand old time sampling wine and pretending to be grown up, and I start thinking about how strange it is that we came to be friends. We didn’t live in the same dorm freshman year, but we started to know each other because we both chose to take tap-dancing as our 1 hour activity credit. (Yes, destined to be BFFs.) We were acquaintances freshman year thanks to that, and then randomly ran into each other at the pre-class BBQ sophomore year. We sat with some friends and watched the fireworks (Drury! Nostalgia!) and then decided to meet for lunch the next day…and we met for lunch ever after.

2) I was apartment hunting in between meetings one day, walking near the square, and this cute little family stops me saying, “are you from the area?” and asks how to get to the nearest Braums. I point them in the right direction. Later that same night, I’m walking back to my car after A Midsummer Night’s Dream, feeling all warm and happy, and this car-ful of girls calls out to me, over the blasting Rihanna, “do you know how to get to Icon?” Why yes, yes I do. I’m cooler than I seem. Let me point you in the right direction.
Neither of these moments really had all that much significance, I realize, but I tend to pull significance out of the smallest corners of the day. It just made me really happy to imagine being a citizen of downtown, and knowing it’s my neighborhood. Let me show you around.

3) Finally, one night I was running to Dillon’s for some late-night grocery essentials, around 9:00, and I happened to overhear a conversation taking place near the display patio furniture. Some employees were taking their smoke break, and one of them was telling a story: “My son got the strangest voicemail the other day. Got it traced, and the number was in the Marshall Islands. All it is, is this foreign guy saying LIFE! LIFE! LIFE!”

The randomness of life is so beautiful. Every day 10,000 poems go unnoticed.

 

Ok so next. Love. Oh, if this isn’t on my mind at MSA and anyplace else… I really am working on curbing the obsession, and I’m making good progress. I didn’t read too much into the fact that the short films I liked the most at The Animation Show were the ones about awkward love. But seriously, watch this one.  (um…don’t watch it at work!)

In trying to think less about love, I’ve actually been thinking about it a lot. I’d like to think that it’s in a more healthy way. In observing how my mind works, hopefully I can figure out what isn’t working, and fix it before I get anywhere near a relationship again.
For instance, I had a little epiphany at the eye doctor last week. Will reserve any metaphors about “seeing clearly” and what not. But I’ve been thinking lately (partly thanks to Eckhart Tolle, partly thanks to various hit-and-miss boy situations, partly thanks to MSA and all the amazing people it brings my way) that I could be “in love” with everyone. Now I don’t mean that literally, of course. What I mean is the intense interest, the heart-pounding excitement at life I can feel while talking to someone, should not be reserved for those I’m “in luv” with…this is a big lesson to learn: that connections with ALL people can be valuable, because all people are valuable. And we are all connected. Knowing this also makes those near-misses easier. I don’t need just ONE person to fulfill my need for relationship. (well, some good old fashioned monogamy and all that goes with it is what I ultimately want…hear that, universe?) But there’s something about community. Something about being open to sharing life with everyone I meet. Being open to recognize the LIFE that is within them.

Hm.

 

Ok one more thing. Decided the day before I left, over a delicious turkey sandwich at the Mudhouse, that I was going to try to eat vegetarian at MSA. At least one meal each day, if not entirely. I tried it for a week at MSA 06, after watching Supersize Me and reading Fast Food Nation at the same time. I love the IDEA of being vegetarian, for the health benefits, ecological consequences, animal right issues, all of it. I also think the structure of cafeteria food, though its selection may not be the best, is at least outside my routine, and so this is a good time to attempt something new. It’s actually been going really well. I think I’ve only caved TWICE this week. One chicken sandwich, and maybe some fish here and there. I’m not letting myself become smug, and I’m trying to not make too big a spectacle of it…though I am pretty excited. I’m falling in love with tofu. I’m all about hummus. I’m digging the leafy greens.

sometimes life listens 27 May 2008

Back to the blogging roots…a few notes on running:

iMix:
The best is yet to come—michael buble
You know me—the format
Somebody told me—killers
Rebellion—arcade fire
The last time—gnarls barkley
Closer to mercury—wheat
Be gentle with me—the boys least likely to
if you really love me—stevie wonder

Running. I’m happily addicted once again. I don’t know how I was able to take a break from it for so long. (Well, I wasn’t able to really.  Winter was rough.  Stressed, depressed, back with ex-boyfriend for a while.  A dark time.  Then along came the spring, and thank God life is turning around.)  It’s still the best way to clear my head and feel better about everything in general.

I like running after the rain (aside from the super-steamy feeling). The splashing feet, the smell of wet grass.  Downtown Springfield in the rain smells like fishing.  At one point like Silver Dollar City…you know, the mixture of pavement and plants and soggy shoes?  I did learn a handy tip today:  you’re supposed to put newspaper in your shoes after a rainy run.  Thanks, google.

 

Sorry I have been gone for so long, dear readers.  What with the semester ending, planning for MSA in June and two weeks in Italy in July, and a couple other big changes that are on the way, I just haven’t had the time to sit down and write.  Plus I’m trying to finish many books at once…

• The God of the Small Things (I have to finish this for MSA Reads)
• Eat, Pray, Love (want to read this again before Italy)
• As the Romans Do (obvious reasons)
• Truth in Comedy (being funny is hard work, and I have to take 6 weekends off from performing)
• Donors are People Too (this has a lot to do with the new big changes)
• PLUS skimming all my writing books for good readings/exercises for the class I’m teaching…

AND after the recommendation of multiple friends, I started Twilight, a 500 page teen-romance-horror monster that I can NOT put down.

Suddenly I’m 14 years old again.  I giggle at the intensity of this high school romance.  And also just can’t believe how intense my feelings used to be.  The things you imply as a sixth grader that you have no intention whatsoever of fulfilling… (at least I didn’t, and I still can’t fathom that some twelve year olds DO. DAMN!)  This book is just delicious. It’s 500 pages of pure literary junk food, and I’m eating it up. 
I honestly love that I get to work at a camp for sixteen year olds this summer, because I KNOW that a large number of them will love it too, and we can chat about it and I can forget for a minute or two that I’m almost 25.

PS it’s going to be a movie…check the trailer, also delicious…

 

But what are these “big changes” all about, you ask?  Well, all in good time, dear reader.  There are some important people in my real life who do not know, so I feel like I should tell them first.  Plus I have to have some suspense to keep you coming back when I don’t write for 2 weeks at a time…

Let’s just say I’m learning that when you say to life: “I’m open to something new,” sometimes life listens.  It’s exciting and challenging and a little scary—as most good new things are.

 

BLOGIVING: It’s not all about money 30 April 2008

I realize I would be doing a disservice to National Volunteer Week to only talk about giving money, when there are zillions of other ways to give and serve.  Philanthropy, after all, is at its base a LOVE of PEOPLE.  And you can love people for free.

• (Quick tangent. Indulge me.  Driving home tonight, and there’s a Justice Jewelers commercial on the radio.  417 folks no doubt have heard at least four-hundred-and-seventeen of these ads, always with Woody Justice telling us he wants to be our jeweler.  I sometimes feel a little upset at these, because he targets the “clueless but love-struck male shopper” demographic, and reminds me that though I know plenty of clueless boys, not a one of them is buying me a diamond. [AND I'm not quite sure I'd want him to either. Fair trade and all.]  Well tonight’s was especially alienating.  And I quote, “to be truly happy you have to have someone to love.  Have you found someone to love?”  No Woody Justice, I haven’t.  And I don’t need your diamonds to be my best friend.  Thanks.)

That tangent was not quick. Apologies.

Where was I…loving people! right! One of the simplest ways—and most obvious, but easy to forget—is just through words.  Sometimes I wish there was a stronger word than “thanks.”  This word gets tossed around to everyone from your grandparents to the Starbucks drive-through guy.  Not that it’s bad to be generally polite, but sometimes I wish there were words beyond “thank you” for those moments when I want to tell someone they really saved the day.  Gratitude is so simple, but can mean so much.

I’m also really touched by Charlie Gibson’s sign off at the end of the ABC Nightly News. Have you seen it? He wraps up the news story, previews the ABC line-up, then just says, “I’m Charlie Gibson, and I hope you had a good day.”  I know, I know…it’s generic and ultimately impersonal, but the couple of times I’ve seen it, it has made me feel warm inside.  Just knowing that there are so many people who might be lonely or overworked or hopeless and who might just need a couple of kind words to start to turn things around.

 

Volunteering is about more than words though, too.  I love the quote Todd Parnell used in his inauguration speech at Drury just last week:  ”Hope is a verb with its sleeves rolled up.”  In order to truly make change, there has to be some action to match the words.  To bring a little Jesus into it, there has to be some fruit or ain’t nothing growing.  To paraphrase.

This concept became real to me one Saturday in February.  We had a work day at The Skinny Improv, where everyone was required to be there and do odd jobs, organize costumes, build things, etc.  It is true that I volunteer to perform there, but that (most of the time. ha.) doesn’t feel like work. I love it.  There’s something different about giving yourself to an organization to do the dirty jobs.  To be on your hands and knees picking up trash.  To have sticky fingers from changing the soap dispensers.  It’s not glamorous of course.  It’s not the high heels and the black shirt.  But it’s all important.  It all adds up to giving people a break from their everyday lives, to making little moments of magic happen on stage, to creating something new that wasn’t there before and won’t happen again.

Helping people, volunteering, giving is made up of both the glamour and the grime.  Often heavy on the grime.  And I don’t mean “glamour” narrowly in the sense of recognition/fame (though that’s part of it I guess.  Giving money can get you recognition.) I mean also non-monetary rewards, like someone saying “thanks.”  That kind of recognition can be much more meaningful anyway.  

I’m learning, though, that there will be a lot of moments that feel thankless. There can be lot of fighting uphill when you’re trying to do what you think is right.  But that’s not a reason to stop.

Hm…and now real life is a metaphor for running…if that seems random, you have some catching up to do. Go back to July and start reading.  I’ll wait.

soon it’s going to be gone 2 November 2007

Nov 2
5:30 p.m.
Writing on my stoop, enjoying the last hours of sunlight and long shadows.
Just walked around trying to take some digital pictures of the fall leaves on campus, notice I said “trying” because my photographic eye doesn’t match the photographic eye of my heart, which wants to fully capture all the beauty and dancing of the sunlight through the branches, while my photos just don’t quite get there. But I try.

There is something wonderful about walking around in flip flops in November. Trying to soak up, while I can, one of the last days of walking around in shorts and in sunlight. If only life could be permanently fall, permanently mild and blue sky with clouds looking just like Bob Ross brushstrokes, when you are aware the sun is there but it’s not burning…It’s perfect.

And I think I’ve learned something about my disposition today…being left alone just me and my thoughts isn’t the best prescription for me. I need human interaction more than I like to admit. Today I spent most of the day just me and me hanging out, which I crave. I love alone time. But then on my outdoor walk around with my camera, I ran into a student who was also taking fall photos. We chit-chatted, I walked on. Then another student, who shared a rice crispy treat from class. We chit-chatted. Two really good students, the kind of responsible, smart, joe-collegey boys that Drury needs more of. Then I bump into an RA leaving the commons. “where have you been all my life?” “Smith Hall!” and we catch up about working out, weekend plans.
It’s amazing how much those little, seemingly meaningless and random conversations really do add up improving the texture of a day.

In a day of little accomplishment, I did drive my recycling over to the center, including glass I’d been hoarding for weeks. Dumping all those glass bottles into the dumpster was therapeutic. Clank! Clank! Break! Who says Spring Cleaning is the only way to go? Again, I see fall as a time of new beginnings, more than I ever have before.

On my way to the recycling center I drove by a bldg that’s being demolished at Campbell and Central. It wasn’t that way earlier in the week when I ran by, and had my little creative spark. Strange.
The dump truck and backhoes were bright shades of yellow and orange—like the trees I’ve been admiring. I parked across the street for just a minute to stare at the damage, to try to construct a meaning out of destruction and renewal…recycling / seasons changing / relationships ending and staying that way / an old building reduced to its basic parts: steel bars and concrete bricks. I want to rifle through the damage, to find some evidence of the humanity that took place in that building, the people who valued it or hated it over the years, the lives were spent in it.
Because soon it’s going to be gone.
Just like fall.
Just like my time here at Drury.
It can’t last forever. My time as a student is already gone gone gone. And I can feel it on fall days. This place holds different meaning for me than it did in 2002. Good lord, that seems like so long ago.

Well, if nothing else it feels really really good to write. To spend some minutes just letting my thoughts happen, and not stay trapped in my head.