“So no sun. Thanks for lying, weather widget” 22 November 2007

Thurs 11.22 oh man oh man

At 6:30 on Thanksgiving morning I’m having definite runner’s remorse. Why did I want to do a 5k on turkey day? Why is it only 28 degrees right now? Why was a ½ marathon such an exciting goal for me (holy hell it’s a week and a half away…)?
I slept kind of restlessly. Christmas morning feelings plus anxiety. It’s just so comfy and warm in bed…but I also didn’t want to oversleep.

Jennifer and I are running together. That’ll be a challenge for a Solo Runner like me.
But I’m trying to turn all these challenges into fun. That’s what this one’s all about after all. People dress up like pilgrims and Indians for pete’s sake. There’s a turkey on my free t-shirt. And it’s all for a good cause.

I’m ready to kick this 5k’s ass. Meaning, if I can break 30 minutes I’ll be a super stud ☺
If I could do 27 minutes I’d feel like a super super stud.
It’s just 3 miles. Dude. You got this.
(But dude hasn’t run since Saturday. Dude’s training has waned. Dude’s a little worried)
But I have the power of wicking fabrics, and FOOD to look forward to. There’s nothing in this world to worry about now.
I’ve an idea! While running I should think about all the things I am thankful for. That’s super hokey, but it ought to at least motivate me for a mile or so…
1) functioning legs
2) changing seasons
3) personal challenges
Trying to think positive. Ok now I’m just stalling. Go get ready.

Was just letting my mind drift while getting ready about the half marathon (in *gulp* 9 days) and how part of the excitement is not knowing exactly if I’m going to be able to to do it (not like in July of course, I mean I AM going to do it…) If it were just going to be easy, and there was no mystery about it, what would be the fun in that?

And then I had to pause, and realize how different me of November 2007 sounds. I mean I’ve always loved a good challenge, but a challenge I knew I could beat. Always avoiding failure. Especially in physical pursuits. Oh look at me now!

—–

9:20 a.m.
Gave Coach Kevin a call, apparently he got 7th overall. Damn.
So. Another 5k down…it was SO cold today.

“So no sun. Thanks for lying, weather widget”—Jen

It was fun running with someone else, mainly to have someone there to giggle with beforehand about how absurdly cold it was (weather widget right now, almost 2 hours later, says 26 degrees), and about how most men should not wear the running tights of the snugly fitting variety they choose (“the poor children…right at eye-level…”), and there happened to be 2 women very close to us at the start in denim skirts. Honest to god denim skirts.
As the national anthem begins, a hush sweeps through the crowd. A man in front of us removes his free turkey trot foam visor. He’s a true patriot.
We speculate about what important announcements are being made by local celebrity Ned Reynolds, since we are back in the 9 minute mile section and can’t hear.

me: Maybe they’ve released wild tigers on the course. And they like girls in orange hats.
She: I’m screwed!

Lessons learned: cold-air numbness + adrenaline of a race have their charms. I couldn’t even feel my lower half until mile 2…so there’s no risk of soreness. I kept up with Jen’s pace, faster than mine, for 2 miles. Was quite proud, but had to slow down my stride in mile 3. Or, I slowed down my stride. Don’t know about “had to”. I don’t remember any particular pain at that point, my legs were fine, my lungs didn’t have that not-enough-air ache. It was 100% mental, and I dropped the ball. Well, and I also had to pee REALLY bad, right from the start. And there were some moments of uncomfortable phlegm.
It was tough, even with motivators along the way. Random guy jogging alone “there’s a spring in your step now. That’s right. Let’s go!” to anyone who would listen. Many parents—mostly dads—running with older elementary school aged kids: “now at this point your brain is going “stop stop” so you just have to tell it to keep going!”
“See that stoplight up there? once we pass that we’re almost done!” It was helpful even for me.

But why did the race have to end on that hill right before Benton?? That hill is murder! I was proud of myself that I was able to pump up the last few strides and pass some people and not feel totally ashamed that I really didn’t do any tricks today.
It was a nice warm up (pun fully intended) for next week. I know I need to hydrate in the days leading up, so that that morning I don’t have to drink so much that I have to pee. There was an actual fear that I would not be able to control my bladder in the cold, with all the concentrating on moving my legs and breathing, my bladder would just go “hey guys, she’s not paying attention. Let’s go!” Bad scene.

Lesson learned #2: Damn! This cold weather running stuff is serious! I do love my new sports bra. As I told Jennifer, it’s serious. Like armor. Like I’m being hugged by a very persistent tiny person, and just around my chest. Ok that metaphor doesn’t quite work. But boy does this bra. Yowza!
I also enjoy my cute Nike jacket, though I’m fearing the cuteness surpasses its practicality after all. It’s too snug to wear over a long sleeve t, and kind of awkward under one. SO I think I need to get another tight layer to go under it.
Also need some cheap gloves and headgear. You would not believe how distracting cold hands are. Oh and tights under my pants.
Dang.

But anyway, I survived this race, and actually pretty easily. The energy of the air through my lungs and my feet warming up the rest of me was really nice.
And to top it all off I get to eat the best meal of the year in just a couple more hours. Not so bad.

winter on its way 21 November 2007

Wed nov 21

Ha. Today somebody got to my blog by searching “creepy dudes”.

Cold, dreary, misty day all day. Fall is finally ending, and winter’s on its way.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and also the Turkey Trot—by second 5k race of the fall. That seems unreal.

And I’m honestly nervous about it. I’m running it with Jennifer, and I would bet she’s in better (more consistently worked-out) shape than I am, and it’s going to be COLD and my body is not used to that. So I know it’s not very badass of me to admit, but I’m a little afraid.

I’m so hardcore I’m taking on challenges that make me scared.
(maybe?)

doe-eyed optimism 11 November 2007

Sunday November 11
Veterans Day
Ran 20/Walk 20…but it was a fast walk
Went over to Kevin’s to have him wrap my foot beforehand. This blister is a bitch.

Today’s run, while not particularly stellar, was redeemed by the stellar weather. It’s freakin’ 70 degrees on Veterans Day. Beautiful! Just being outside on a day like this, sloshing my feet through the crunchy leaves (can you “slosh” through something crunchy? I don’t think so. But I want to), running past downtown Springfield landmarks makes me just fall in love with life and Springfield, and believe in surprises and possibility.

I know I always adopt this doe-eyed sentimentality after a run on a pretty Sunday, and I’ll acknowledge that it’s probably just runner’s high talking, but I won’t apologize for being happy. I’m learning to not do that.

(Ew. That sounds emo and self-conscious, and blogiotypical doesn’t it? But oh well. No more perfectionism. No more constant self-editing.)

In just three weeks I’m going to run a half-marathon in the birthplace of rock and roll…if that’s not something to feel a litte doe-eyed about, I don’t know what is.

soon it’s going to be gone 2 November 2007

Nov 2
5:30 p.m.
Writing on my stoop, enjoying the last hours of sunlight and long shadows.
Just walked around trying to take some digital pictures of the fall leaves on campus, notice I said “trying” because my photographic eye doesn’t match the photographic eye of my heart, which wants to fully capture all the beauty and dancing of the sunlight through the branches, while my photos just don’t quite get there. But I try.

There is something wonderful about walking around in flip flops in November. Trying to soak up, while I can, one of the last days of walking around in shorts and in sunlight. If only life could be permanently fall, permanently mild and blue sky with clouds looking just like Bob Ross brushstrokes, when you are aware the sun is there but it’s not burning…It’s perfect.

And I think I’ve learned something about my disposition today…being left alone just me and my thoughts isn’t the best prescription for me. I need human interaction more than I like to admit. Today I spent most of the day just me and me hanging out, which I crave. I love alone time. But then on my outdoor walk around with my camera, I ran into a student who was also taking fall photos. We chit-chatted, I walked on. Then another student, who shared a rice crispy treat from class. We chit-chatted. Two really good students, the kind of responsible, smart, joe-collegey boys that Drury needs more of. Then I bump into an RA leaving the commons. “where have you been all my life?” “Smith Hall!” and we catch up about working out, weekend plans.
It’s amazing how much those little, seemingly meaningless and random conversations really do add up improving the texture of a day.

In a day of little accomplishment, I did drive my recycling over to the center, including glass I’d been hoarding for weeks. Dumping all those glass bottles into the dumpster was therapeutic. Clank! Clank! Break! Who says Spring Cleaning is the only way to go? Again, I see fall as a time of new beginnings, more than I ever have before.

On my way to the recycling center I drove by a bldg that’s being demolished at Campbell and Central. It wasn’t that way earlier in the week when I ran by, and had my little creative spark. Strange.
The dump truck and backhoes were bright shades of yellow and orange—like the trees I’ve been admiring. I parked across the street for just a minute to stare at the damage, to try to construct a meaning out of destruction and renewal…recycling / seasons changing / relationships ending and staying that way / an old building reduced to its basic parts: steel bars and concrete bricks. I want to rifle through the damage, to find some evidence of the humanity that took place in that building, the people who valued it or hated it over the years, the lives were spent in it.
Because soon it’s going to be gone.
Just like fall.
Just like my time here at Drury.
It can’t last forever. My time as a student is already gone gone gone. And I can feel it on fall days. This place holds different meaning for me than it did in 2002. Good lord, that seems like so long ago.

Well, if nothing else it feels really really good to write. To spend some minutes just letting my thoughts happen, and not stay trapped in my head.

Confucius say what? 2 November 2007

Nov 2 Friday
Slept in way late. Why does it feel so GOOD to stay in bed?

Legs are sore from strength yesterday. Oye, it’s a strange sensation to run after a 3 day break, after an atypical amount of strength training. My legs are firing in a way that I can only describe as that pop you hear and feel when you’re on a roller coaster. The way the track shoots air to make you move (or whatever, I’m not a roller coaster expert after all). That’s what my muscles are doing in little spurts. Firing off energy. Or something.

Amazing what a beautiful fall day—clear sky, crisp air, crunchy leaves—will do for my disposition. Was a little bummed, after sleeping in, and feeling a little mopey, but boy the second I step outside it’s like the start of a Disney movie—short of birdies signing songs to me as they drop flowers on my head. It just feels GOOD to be alive and moving.

Only ran 10 minutes, then walked about as much, not because I didn’t feel like I could today, but more like I didn’t want to take the time. I reminded myself what it feels like, and now I can do a longer run tomorrow and be okay, but today it was more important to stroll along the neighborhood sidewalks, kicking up the big leaves in my path as I went. I think that mental and emotional stillness I get from a quiet walk to nowhere in particular are just as good for my health as a heart-pounding, calorie-burning, blister-forming run. Maybe even more important as I face daylight savings, and the overwhelming desire to crawl into bed and stay there when the days are dark and the wind is cold.

My goal for November is to ask myself WHY. To not allow myself to drift through hours and days without stopping to think what my motivations are, and what are my ultimate goals. Am I living my life in a way that I’m … huh, I don’t even exactly know how to finish that…
…Doing the best that I can
…Making life better for those around me
…Being creative and fulfilled
…Giving
…Forming and maintaining important relationships
Hm. I guess one has to know what one’s goals are before one can know if one can follow them. Confucius say what?!

COLD! 22 October 2007

Monday October 22
40 days til the big race
8:10-8:50
today’s iMix:
Time—Thom Yorke (downloaded new digital radiohead album last night. Feel cooler than I am.)
Hang me up to dry—cold war kids
Time—Chicago (a theme developing??)
Somebody told me—killers (excited about their new CD!)
Rebellion—arcade fire
All these things I’ve done—killers (my imix is like some sort of poem rhyme sceme…aba, cdc…)
It’s gonna be me—NSync
Underdog—Spoon. (In a nerdy way, this kept me going when I was tired)
Volcano—Damien Rice (nice for running in the rain. Better for napping in the rain. Mmm…napping…)
Banquet—Bloc party
I’ve got you under my skin–Frank Sinatra

Could barely run 30 minutes…not sexy
Getting caught in the first drizzling rain of fall…not sexy
(Though the front of my shirt being soaked might be, a little)
COLD!
Had to make up a mantra to keep myself motivated. Not necessarily from soreness or shortness of breath, it’s just been a week since my last long run, and I’m a little rusty. But I made it almost 30 minutes, then ran more in the rain. Getting back home in freezing cold rain is a good motivator for getting over tiredness.
It started out “I am healthy and badass” then became “I am healthy and beautiful and badass.” I kept repeating it to myself (no doubt the result of reading Eat Pray Love, Elizabeth Gilbert’s in India now) and it really did help clear my mind of any other thoughts, the “I can’t go on” and the “I’m not going to make it.” So…we’ll try a mantra from now on. Helps pass the time.

Today’s run sensual again. As in, “full of senses”, not “hey hey hey”. Smelled krispy kreme, corn dogs, and bbq sauce at various stages. Mmmm….delicious.

Ran underneath first falling leaf of fall. Got really excited as the little orange guy fell in front of me. Not excited about the 50 degree weather after the 80s of the Indian summer weekend (where does “Indian summer” come from anyway? The term is probably racist, no doubt. Now I feel bad…), not excited about the shorter daylight hours, either. But I am excited about leaves and purples/oranges/reds/yellows and sweaters and crispness in the air.

I know that spring is supposed to be the season where everything feels new and full of potential, but fall feels that way to me.

Oh my gosh, I just touched my legs and they’re FREEZING!
Ok that’s it. I need to buy some cold weather running clothes, and that’s final. Underarmor here I come!!!

PS–Facebook messaged an old friend who’s a runner re: race, and he writes back “the last time I did a half marathon was 2005 and I couldn’t walk for a week.”
Awesome.
Inspiring.