Working It Out

RUNNING, SINGLE LIVING, AND OTHER RECENT CHALLENGES

Rejection. 29 April 2008

Filed under: Everyday Life — sarahj83 @ 11:24 pm
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So…remember a few weeks ago I said a new “big goal” was to submit to the online nonfiction journal BREVITY before the end of May?  Well I did it!  The deadline for submissions before summer was actually April 15…cheeky magazine and your clever deadlines…I got it in on time, and then waited patiently.  Just yesterday I got a response via e-mail.  These folks are an electronic journal and they don’t mess around. You submit via email, they respond via email.  Subject line:   “re: submission”.

 

Dear Ms. Jenkins,

Thank you very much for your recent submission to BREVITY.  We are shocked (though pleased, as well) by the number and quality of submissions we are receiving these days, and the calls are becoming more, and more difficult.

I am sorry to say that we will not be able to use your essay, but we appreciate your sending it for our consideration.

Good luck with your writing.

Rachael Peckham
Managing Editor

 

And there you have it.  My first rejection from a “real” literary magazine.  And I couldn’t be more thrilled. (Could be slightly more thrilled, of course.  But rejection is good.  Makes you grow, yadda yadda. Right?)  And still I’m glad that I followed through and gave it a try.  I’m inspired to keep on trying.  Just today I discovered SMITH magazine.  Six-word memoirs. Are you kidding me?! I’m in love.

And besides…maybe I don’t want to be published in a journal that adds unnecessary commas to common phrases like “more and more”.  (Ok I admit that was petty. But I was rejected.  Let me be a little bitter.)

 

 

What a Lentdown 19 February 2008

Filed under: Everyday Life — sarahj83 @ 5:43 pm
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Sad story: the title of this post is probably the most creative thing I’ve written all week.

(Probably not true. I’ve written a lot in recent days, in e-mails to myself, on napkins (believe the cliche!), in my notebook that’s always with me, in random notepad files I open on my mac desktop in hopes someday they’ll develop into something more than notes…)

But who has the TIME to complete anything?!  ADULT life is so much busier than I ever imagined. (I remember reading articles in Mom’s “mom magazines”* about scheduling time to pluck eyebrows, pay bills. It seemed so silly to my little-kid self, who had nothing better to do than go to school and develop elaborate social lives for her toys. And oh the books I could read! The time to doodle!) I’m even writing this at my desk, still at work.

I have, in the midst of the busy, set another BIG GOAL for myself. And I feel that making it public will make me stick with it.  I’m taking Creative Writing II: Nonfiction this semester, and we’ve read some essays out of Brevity, a journal of short-short nonfiction.  I am going to submit something this semester, and be a true (term I’ve stolen from the Brevity page) “nonfictionist”. 

Delicious new goal. I’m excited. Maybe I’ll submit 13.1.

 …

*A “mom magazine” is a publication that can be purchased at a Wal-Mart checkout counter, which features–among other things–photos of seasonally themed cupcakes and tips on sensible handbag purchases, appealing to moms everywhere.  See: Woman’s Day, Woman’s World, Family Circle.

 

Merry Christmas Adam 23 December 2007

Filed under: Everyday Life — sarahj83 @ 1:18 pm
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Yes, I’ve been calling December 23 that since I was a kid, and I’m sure at the time I thought I was the first person to ever be so clever.

Now I realize that most of my cleverness is recycled.

SO. December happened, huh? I’ve been scolded by more than one faithful reader for still not posting about my race. Well, wait no longer! I took my laptop with me to Memphis and wrote it all down day-of, so you’ll find Dec 1 updated today.

To give away the ending: I survived. And it was amazing.

And now I need a new Big Goal…

 

it’s finally today 30 November 2007

Filed under: running — sarahj83 @ 10:30 am
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Nov 30
It’s finally today. My race countdown widget says “1 days”.
Amazing. There’s this new me who takes risks and tries things she never thought she would and actually enjoys exercise…but somewhere inside there’s also the old me who stresses out at the last minute. At that’s how I find myself this morning. With a long to-do list before I hit the road to Memphis. But a very important one is my last run. A victory lap of the neighborhood before I test my feet out in a new one.

Last 30 minutes before the Big Race. Funny, how during the first 30 minutes of a run I feel like it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, but once I’m past that stage it feels like I could run forever.
It really is all mental.

I think I have a good trick for tomorrow. For the first 30 minutes I’m going to try to think about nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just concentrate on my pace and my breathing. Then if I need to think later, I’ll start with song lyrics, and then think about how happy I’ll be to call and text everyone afterwards that I did it. And that I didn’t stop. No matter how hard it got.

Today’s SparkPeople mass e-mail is “remember to reward yourself”. Oh don’t worry, mass e-mail. I will…

 

and a pen to sign autographs 28 November 2007

Filed under: running — sarahj83 @ 4:19 pm
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Nov 28 wed
Omgosh. Can’t believe the race is 3 DAYS AWAY!
And I can’t believe that my brain is playing the “maybe I can’t do this game.” Oh I can do this. I can and I’m going. St. Jude already has my $60. I’ve worked hard ALL semester, and a lot of people are counting on the fact that I’m going ot pull through on this. So…I’m not going to wimp out in the final round.
No matter how much my knee hurts…
Or how worried I am about cold weather…
I am half-marathon ready. Ima gonna run 13 miles on Saturday. This is a big deal, y’all.

today’s iMix:
Lose Yourself—eminem
All these things I’ve done—Killers
Crazy—Beyonce
I will buy you a new life—everclear
If you really love me—oh stevie, sing me songs.
Woman—wolfmother
Over My head—the fray
Don’t Go Away—Oasis (if ever there was a song that makes me want to succeed for the sake of all the failures of junior-high me, this is it.)
Used 2 Love U—John Legend
Autumn—Pico Vs Island Trees

30 minutes today. Tomorrow I’ll do an hour, another 30 on Friday…I should be good…
Then Saturday I’ll run for a decent-length movie.
I’ll run for the drive to Kansas City.
I’ll run for 2 episodes of This American Life.

My knee does hurt. I’m worried about it. It’s held up this long…please don’t crap out on me now…so I am again all Advil, and all comfortable shoes, and all stretching…
Oh boy I’m ready to carb load tomorrow. Bring on the bagels!
Listen to me. “Carb load.” Almost as if I actually know what I’m talking about.

Today I again asked Kevin about what I should eat, how much to drink. Things we’ve talked about 100 times but I like sage advice. It makes me more at ease.
So he rattles off a list of healthy foods (pizza’s okay but be careful of cheese, lots of veggies, an apple) and then “…and a pen to sign autographs.” hahaha.

I said “I’m nervous.” and he said, “Nervous?! You mean trained, pumped, ready, bring it on, I got this, right?” And he’s right. I haven’t worked this long or this hard just to wimp out here in the last stretch when it’s gotten tough. (wow. If that ain’t a metaphor for life, I don’t know what is). And surely the last 30 minutes of the race (the 30 minutes I haven’t ever run) aren’t going to be the easiest thirty minute run of my life.
But that’s no reason to give up.
Not now.

 

“So no sun. Thanks for lying, weather widget” 22 November 2007

Filed under: running — sarahj83 @ 10:02 am
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Thurs 11.22 oh man oh man

At 6:30 on Thanksgiving morning I’m having definite runner’s remorse. Why did I want to do a 5k on turkey day? Why is it only 28 degrees right now? Why was a ½ marathon such an exciting goal for me (holy hell it’s a week and a half away…)?
I slept kind of restlessly. Christmas morning feelings plus anxiety. It’s just so comfy and warm in bed…but I also didn’t want to oversleep.

Jennifer and I are running together. That’ll be a challenge for a Solo Runner like me.
But I’m trying to turn all these challenges into fun. That’s what this one’s all about after all. People dress up like pilgrims and Indians for pete’s sake. There’s a turkey on my free t-shirt. And it’s all for a good cause.

I’m ready to kick this 5k’s ass. Meaning, if I can break 30 minutes I’ll be a super stud ☺
If I could do 27 minutes I’d feel like a super super stud.
It’s just 3 miles. Dude. You got this.
(But dude hasn’t run since Saturday. Dude’s training has waned. Dude’s a little worried)
But I have the power of wicking fabrics, and FOOD to look forward to. There’s nothing in this world to worry about now.
I’ve an idea! While running I should think about all the things I am thankful for. That’s super hokey, but it ought to at least motivate me for a mile or so…
1) functioning legs
2) changing seasons
3) personal challenges
Trying to think positive. Ok now I’m just stalling. Go get ready.

Was just letting my mind drift while getting ready about the half marathon (in *gulp* 9 days) and how part of the excitement is not knowing exactly if I’m going to be able to to do it (not like in July of course, I mean I AM going to do it…) If it were just going to be easy, and there was no mystery about it, what would be the fun in that?

And then I had to pause, and realize how different me of November 2007 sounds. I mean I’ve always loved a good challenge, but a challenge I knew I could beat. Always avoiding failure. Especially in physical pursuits. Oh look at me now!

—–

9:20 a.m.
Gave Coach Kevin a call, apparently he got 7th overall. Damn.
So. Another 5k down…it was SO cold today.

“So no sun. Thanks for lying, weather widget”—Jen

It was fun running with someone else, mainly to have someone there to giggle with beforehand about how absurdly cold it was (weather widget right now, almost 2 hours later, says 26 degrees), and about how most men should not wear the running tights of the snugly fitting variety they choose (“the poor children…right at eye-level…”), and there happened to be 2 women very close to us at the start in denim skirts. Honest to god denim skirts.
As the national anthem begins, a hush sweeps through the crowd. A man in front of us removes his free turkey trot foam visor. He’s a true patriot.
We speculate about what important announcements are being made by local celebrity Ned Reynolds, since we are back in the 9 minute mile section and can’t hear.

me: Maybe they’ve released wild tigers on the course. And they like girls in orange hats.
She: I’m screwed!

Lessons learned: cold-air numbness + adrenaline of a race have their charms. I couldn’t even feel my lower half until mile 2…so there’s no risk of soreness. I kept up with Jen’s pace, faster than mine, for 2 miles. Was quite proud, but had to slow down my stride in mile 3. Or, I slowed down my stride. Don’t know about “had to”. I don’t remember any particular pain at that point, my legs were fine, my lungs didn’t have that not-enough-air ache. It was 100% mental, and I dropped the ball. Well, and I also had to pee REALLY bad, right from the start. And there were some moments of uncomfortable phlegm.
It was tough, even with motivators along the way. Random guy jogging alone “there’s a spring in your step now. That’s right. Let’s go!” to anyone who would listen. Many parents—mostly dads—running with older elementary school aged kids: “now at this point your brain is going “stop stop” so you just have to tell it to keep going!”
“See that stoplight up there? once we pass that we’re almost done!” It was helpful even for me.

But why did the race have to end on that hill right before Benton?? That hill is murder! I was proud of myself that I was able to pump up the last few strides and pass some people and not feel totally ashamed that I really didn’t do any tricks today.
It was a nice warm up (pun fully intended) for next week. I know I need to hydrate in the days leading up, so that that morning I don’t have to drink so much that I have to pee. There was an actual fear that I would not be able to control my bladder in the cold, with all the concentrating on moving my legs and breathing, my bladder would just go “hey guys, she’s not paying attention. Let’s go!” Bad scene.

Lesson learned #2: Damn! This cold weather running stuff is serious! I do love my new sports bra. As I told Jennifer, it’s serious. Like armor. Like I’m being hugged by a very persistent tiny person, and just around my chest. Ok that metaphor doesn’t quite work. But boy does this bra. Yowza!
I also enjoy my cute Nike jacket, though I’m fearing the cuteness surpasses its practicality after all. It’s too snug to wear over a long sleeve t, and kind of awkward under one. SO I think I need to get another tight layer to go under it.
Also need some cheap gloves and headgear. You would not believe how distracting cold hands are. Oh and tights under my pants.
Dang.

But anyway, I survived this race, and actually pretty easily. The energy of the air through my lungs and my feet warming up the rest of me was really nice.
And to top it all off I get to eat the best meal of the year in just a couple more hours. Not so bad.

 

It was a happy sprawl 17 November 2007

Filed under: running — sarahj83 @ 10:29 am
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Saturday November 17
14 days until the Big Race
8:30-10:00 y’all

Was vegging out to some crap TV for a few minutes (my brain doesn’t want to do anything else after a long run) and stumbled upon some style show on E! hosted by Daisy Fuentes. God, it was painful. But I stayed on it just long enough to hear the statistic that 8000 girls under the age of 18 had botox last year.
Let that sink in.
Eight thousand.
Eighteen years old.
Friggen botox.

What the hell, America? Really.

Ok but enough complaining about society. I promise I won’t put you through that today!

90 minutes. An hour and a half. Shoot! Tried to replicate race conditions a little bit today, which means running with my contacts in and WITHOUT my iPod. 90 minutes with nothing to listen to besides my thoughts and my breathing. Now that’s scary. It was intimidating at the start, but amusing what my mind ultimately came up with to entertain itself.
The first 30 minutes or so was a combination of fragmented song lyrics, old yoga affirmations: “I am calm, I am quiet, I am at peace”, and a little game I like to play called “let’s not look at our watch until it’s been at least 30 minutes.”
(And how do you even WIN such a game?! It messes with your head! Ah, but it does pass the time. Unfortunately I looked at my watch after 25 minutes, and was a little sad.)

Those first 30 minutes are really tough mentally. The trick is to get myself far enough away from home, that I HAVE to run back that far. Walking back would take way too long. There’s also a lot of mental shit-giving that’s necessary. “You aren’t going to quit now. You have to run a race in 2 weeks. Are you going to let yourself down? You suck. Don’t quit. You’ll be really disappointed in yourself if you only run 30 today.”

There’s also a little tricking myself into thinking if I can do this long run, I can do ANYTHING, and I can make up for every time I felt bad in junior high, for every insecurity I have about being the only girl onstage, etc.
The second thirty minutes was a lot of reliving various failures and triumphs. This serves two purposes: it keeps my mind distracted and also gives it fuel. Oh you’re too cool for me Dustin in seventh grade? That’s how it is? Well I ran 90 minutes today, so bet you’re sorry now.

The third half-hour I must say was my favorite. I resorted to telling myself stories to keep my mind entertained. “Once there was a girl named Sarah. She liked to run…” No, really. Then I went into reliving embarrassing stories from childhood, as if I were telling them to a new friend for the first time (remind me to tell you the one about the family video camera, circa 1991). Then my personal favorite new time-passing technique: retelling favorite movie plots. I told myself the first third of When Harry Met Sally.

Moral of the story: I really missed my iPod.

But, it can be done. And at least during the big race there is going to be entertainment and new scenery and other runners and adrenaline and all that.

It was nice to know I was out kicking my butt that early on a Saturday morning, before most people’s hangovers have worn off.

End of run. Stopped, and there was a split second of pure energy again. I snapped my fists up into the air, and my arms felt full. I don’t really know how else to describe it. But it’s a feeling I had all over: completely full and alive. The walk back down the sidewalk felt like I was on a moving sidewalk at the airport. Very surreal. My legs were moving, but it didn’t really feel like it—not after running for an hour and half—it was more like floating. And I was worried…I knew the pain had to be in there somewhere. Where was the stiff-robot feeling I get after a challenging run? Was I going to collapse without warning once this numbness wore off? Thankfully, no, but the soreness did show up about 15 minutes later, and I just sprawled out on my kitchen floor.

(It was a happy sprawl.)

 

Confucius say what? 2 November 2007

Filed under: running — sarahj83 @ 12:50 pm
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Nov 2 Friday
Slept in way late. Why does it feel so GOOD to stay in bed?

Legs are sore from strength yesterday. Oye, it’s a strange sensation to run after a 3 day break, after an atypical amount of strength training. My legs are firing in a way that I can only describe as that pop you hear and feel when you’re on a roller coaster. The way the track shoots air to make you move (or whatever, I’m not a roller coaster expert after all). That’s what my muscles are doing in little spurts. Firing off energy. Or something.

Amazing what a beautiful fall day—clear sky, crisp air, crunchy leaves—will do for my disposition. Was a little bummed, after sleeping in, and feeling a little mopey, but boy the second I step outside it’s like the start of a Disney movie—short of birdies signing songs to me as they drop flowers on my head. It just feels GOOD to be alive and moving.

Only ran 10 minutes, then walked about as much, not because I didn’t feel like I could today, but more like I didn’t want to take the time. I reminded myself what it feels like, and now I can do a longer run tomorrow and be okay, but today it was more important to stroll along the neighborhood sidewalks, kicking up the big leaves in my path as I went. I think that mental and emotional stillness I get from a quiet walk to nowhere in particular are just as good for my health as a heart-pounding, calorie-burning, blister-forming run. Maybe even more important as I face daylight savings, and the overwhelming desire to crawl into bed and stay there when the days are dark and the wind is cold.

My goal for November is to ask myself WHY. To not allow myself to drift through hours and days without stopping to think what my motivations are, and what are my ultimate goals. Am I living my life in a way that I’m … huh, I don’t even exactly know how to finish that…
…Doing the best that I can
…Making life better for those around me
…Being creative and fulfilled
…Giving
…Forming and maintaining important relationships
Hm. I guess one has to know what one’s goals are before one can know if one can follow them. Confucius say what?!