it’s finally today 30 November 2007

Nov 30
It’s finally today. My race countdown widget says “1 days”.
Amazing. There’s this new me who takes risks and tries things she never thought she would and actually enjoys exercise…but somewhere inside there’s also the old me who stresses out at the last minute. At that’s how I find myself this morning. With a long to-do list before I hit the road to Memphis. But a very important one is my last run. A victory lap of the neighborhood before I test my feet out in a new one.

Last 30 minutes before the Big Race. Funny, how during the first 30 minutes of a run I feel like it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, but once I’m past that stage it feels like I could run forever.
It really is all mental.

I think I have a good trick for tomorrow. For the first 30 minutes I’m going to try to think about nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just concentrate on my pace and my breathing. Then if I need to think later, I’ll start with song lyrics, and then think about how happy I’ll be to call and text everyone afterwards that I did it. And that I didn’t stop. No matter how hard it got.

Today’s SparkPeople mass e-mail is “remember to reward yourself”. Oh don’t worry, mass e-mail. I will…

and a pen to sign autographs 28 November 2007

Nov 28 wed
Omgosh. Can’t believe the race is 3 DAYS AWAY!
And I can’t believe that my brain is playing the “maybe I can’t do this game.” Oh I can do this. I can and I’m going. St. Jude already has my $60. I’ve worked hard ALL semester, and a lot of people are counting on the fact that I’m going ot pull through on this. So…I’m not going to wimp out in the final round.
No matter how much my knee hurts…
Or how worried I am about cold weather…
I am half-marathon ready. Ima gonna run 13 miles on Saturday. This is a big deal, y’all.

today’s iMix:
Lose Yourself—eminem
All these things I’ve done—Killers
Crazy—Beyonce
I will buy you a new life—everclear
If you really love me—oh stevie, sing me songs.
Woman—wolfmother
Over My head—the fray
Don’t Go Away—Oasis (if ever there was a song that makes me want to succeed for the sake of all the failures of junior-high me, this is it.)
Used 2 Love U—John Legend
Autumn—Pico Vs Island Trees

30 minutes today. Tomorrow I’ll do an hour, another 30 on Friday…I should be good…
Then Saturday I’ll run for a decent-length movie.
I’ll run for the drive to Kansas City.
I’ll run for 2 episodes of This American Life.

My knee does hurt. I’m worried about it. It’s held up this long…please don’t crap out on me now…so I am again all Advil, and all comfortable shoes, and all stretching…
Oh boy I’m ready to carb load tomorrow. Bring on the bagels!
Listen to me. “Carb load.” Almost as if I actually know what I’m talking about.

Today I again asked Kevin about what I should eat, how much to drink. Things we’ve talked about 100 times but I like sage advice. It makes me more at ease.
So he rattles off a list of healthy foods (pizza’s okay but be careful of cheese, lots of veggies, an apple) and then “…and a pen to sign autographs.” hahaha.

I said “I’m nervous.” and he said, “Nervous?! You mean trained, pumped, ready, bring it on, I got this, right?” And he’s right. I haven’t worked this long or this hard just to wimp out here in the last stretch when it’s gotten tough. (wow. If that ain’t a metaphor for life, I don’t know what is). And surely the last 30 minutes of the race (the 30 minutes I haven’t ever run) aren’t going to be the easiest thirty minute run of my life.
But that’s no reason to give up.
Not now.

Confucius say what? 2 November 2007

Nov 2 Friday
Slept in way late. Why does it feel so GOOD to stay in bed?

Legs are sore from strength yesterday. Oye, it’s a strange sensation to run after a 3 day break, after an atypical amount of strength training. My legs are firing in a way that I can only describe as that pop you hear and feel when you’re on a roller coaster. The way the track shoots air to make you move (or whatever, I’m not a roller coaster expert after all). That’s what my muscles are doing in little spurts. Firing off energy. Or something.

Amazing what a beautiful fall day—clear sky, crisp air, crunchy leaves—will do for my disposition. Was a little bummed, after sleeping in, and feeling a little mopey, but boy the second I step outside it’s like the start of a Disney movie—short of birdies signing songs to me as they drop flowers on my head. It just feels GOOD to be alive and moving.

Only ran 10 minutes, then walked about as much, not because I didn’t feel like I could today, but more like I didn’t want to take the time. I reminded myself what it feels like, and now I can do a longer run tomorrow and be okay, but today it was more important to stroll along the neighborhood sidewalks, kicking up the big leaves in my path as I went. I think that mental and emotional stillness I get from a quiet walk to nowhere in particular are just as good for my health as a heart-pounding, calorie-burning, blister-forming run. Maybe even more important as I face daylight savings, and the overwhelming desire to crawl into bed and stay there when the days are dark and the wind is cold.

My goal for November is to ask myself WHY. To not allow myself to drift through hours and days without stopping to think what my motivations are, and what are my ultimate goals. Am I living my life in a way that I’m … huh, I don’t even exactly know how to finish that…
…Doing the best that I can
…Making life better for those around me
…Being creative and fulfilled
…Giving
…Forming and maintaining important relationships
Hm. I guess one has to know what one’s goals are before one can know if one can follow them. Confucius say what?!