sometimes life listens 27 May 2008

Back to the blogging roots…a few notes on running:

iMix:
The best is yet to come—michael buble
You know me—the format
Somebody told me—killers
Rebellion—arcade fire
The last time—gnarls barkley
Closer to mercury—wheat
Be gentle with me—the boys least likely to
if you really love me—stevie wonder

Running. I’m happily addicted once again. I don’t know how I was able to take a break from it for so long. (Well, I wasn’t able to really.  Winter was rough.  Stressed, depressed, back with ex-boyfriend for a while.  A dark time.  Then along came the spring, and thank God life is turning around.)  It’s still the best way to clear my head and feel better about everything in general.

I like running after the rain (aside from the super-steamy feeling). The splashing feet, the smell of wet grass.  Downtown Springfield in the rain smells like fishing.  At one point like Silver Dollar City…you know, the mixture of pavement and plants and soggy shoes?  I did learn a handy tip today:  you’re supposed to put newspaper in your shoes after a rainy run.  Thanks, google.

 

Sorry I have been gone for so long, dear readers.  What with the semester ending, planning for MSA in June and two weeks in Italy in July, and a couple other big changes that are on the way, I just haven’t had the time to sit down and write.  Plus I’m trying to finish many books at once…

• The God of the Small Things (I have to finish this for MSA Reads)
• Eat, Pray, Love (want to read this again before Italy)
• As the Romans Do (obvious reasons)
• Truth in Comedy (being funny is hard work, and I have to take 6 weekends off from performing)
• Donors are People Too (this has a lot to do with the new big changes)
• PLUS skimming all my writing books for good readings/exercises for the class I’m teaching…

AND after the recommendation of multiple friends, I started Twilight, a 500 page teen-romance-horror monster that I can NOT put down.

Suddenly I’m 14 years old again.  I giggle at the intensity of this high school romance.  And also just can’t believe how intense my feelings used to be.  The things you imply as a sixth grader that you have no intention whatsoever of fulfilling… (at least I didn’t, and I still can’t fathom that some twelve year olds DO. DAMN!)  This book is just delicious. It’s 500 pages of pure literary junk food, and I’m eating it up. 
I honestly love that I get to work at a camp for sixteen year olds this summer, because I KNOW that a large number of them will love it too, and we can chat about it and I can forget for a minute or two that I’m almost 25.

PS it’s going to be a movie…check the trailer, also delicious…

 

But what are these “big changes” all about, you ask?  Well, all in good time, dear reader.  There are some important people in my real life who do not know, so I feel like I should tell them first.  Plus I have to have some suspense to keep you coming back when I don’t write for 2 weeks at a time…

Let’s just say I’m learning that when you say to life: “I’m open to something new,” sometimes life listens.  It’s exciting and challenging and a little scary—as most good new things are.

 

BLOGIVING 28 April 2008

This is another title I’ve been sitting on for a couple of days.  Too cute?

This is National Volunteer Week, and to celebrate I thought I’d start something I’ve been thinking about for a while.  Use the blog to share inspirational stories I’ve heard, or link to nonprofits that you dear reader can support, or talk about helping people in big and small ways.  The big and small ways that people help me all the time.  Hopefully I’ll have BLOGIVING posts once a week, but this week I’m going to TRY one every day…because I know if I’m too busy to think about helping other people, I’m too busy.  (Call Oprah. I just had a moment.)

Today I’m going to start with an easy one.  The blog’s about running right? (or at least it used to be…) Well it sure is lucky that running and doing-good are easy to combine.

In 2 weeks (oh god, just 2 weeks…) I’m running in THE KITCHEN RUN, a 5K supporting–you guessed it!–The Kitchen, and all the amazing work they do for our homeless neighbors in Springfield.

This is super-exciting for a few reasons.

• 1) I get super-excited about most things.
• 2) This is the first race that I’m doing specifically for the cause.  Sure my half-marathon helped St. Jude, and I was glad to do it, but that race was more about ME.
• 3) The race is still about me. I’m going to try to place in my age bracket. HAHAHAHA. No seriously.

So, dear reader, if you are a Sprinting Springfieldian as well (oh you better believe I just said that!), you should also run.  Just don’t run faster than I do.

 

BLOGUMBO 28 April 2008

I thought of this title a while ago, and you know I’ve been excited to use it ever since.

I feel like my entries lately are quite sundry and varied, like my thoughts. I don’t post very often, but I do collect snippets on sticky notes and envelopes, e-mails to myself, just waiting for the day I put it together. Like today. 

So here we go.

BLOGUMBO. You know, like the soup.

 

FIRST a movie:

Saw Baby Mama with one of my bffs last night.  I can now confirm what many people have no doubt suspected for quite some time:  I would go gay for Tina Fey.  OR at the very least (as she is married with a baby, after all, and I am pretty sure I still like boys) wish very deeply that she was my older, hilarious mentor / friend.  I don’t think I’ve enjoyed myself so much in a movie in a long time, just because I’m like the little kid who dresses up like Spiderman over it.  She’s so great! I literally want to be her. And let’s not even talk about the cute outfits and having Greg Kinnear as your late-thirties love interest.  It does NOT get better.

 

Lately I find myself loving when old things feel new again:

• Driving to The Wallflowers with the windows down (try not to sing.  you can’t.)
• Catching a rerun of Wayne’s World on a Sunday afternoon
• Running into high school friends I haven’t seen in—oh god—six years
• Seeing little dressed up prom kids downtown last weekend…

 

Other random thoughts:

• I really can’t wait for the sex and the city movie.
• I am falling back in love with Cole Porter songs.
• There may be nothing cuter than making a cat listen to an iPod.

 

AND I’m running again!

I’m discovering I get tired of some songs on my iPod, but arcade fire and ben folds can sing to me any day.  My unspoken goal for myself was to feel comfortable in some nike outlet shorts, which I bought way back in December, by May 1.  Well I tried ‘em out over the weekend, and I’m only slightly self-conscious over the shorty shortness. 

As I’m walking home, I get a little nod from a creepy dude with his window rolled down, and for once I am not offended. Thanks guy with the afro driving the old Honda!  And you’re welcome.

 

AND finally a moment of opinion:

A couple weeks ago Colbert and John Stewart both made a lot of to-do over the absurdity of the media asking, “is Obama an elitist?”, and I agree. I WANT a president who thinks he’s better than me.  Please. Know more about foreign policy than I do. It’d be a welcome change. Har har har.

I have been accused myself—only a handful of times, I assure you—of being smug (mostly by opponents during trivia games when I get particularly carried away) or just the teensiest bit pretentious about my book/music/movie taste…and I do place high value on being humble and grateful, but I also value being intellectual, and am always trying to improve myself.

Well, I feel a little more justified after I read an article from NY Times about women and booksnobbery. (okay okay before I sound too pretentious, I have to admit that I linked to this article from stuff white people like, which I suppose is in its own way pretentious—oh we’re so funny and ironic! Link to us and buy our book at urban outfitters! (there’s not a book, but there will be. Learned it on wordpress. Again, listen to me and my obscure facts.)  BUT I still love it. and wish I’d thought of it first. So there.)  I guess I’ve been in the university system so long that I take it for granted that people want to be smart and learn and improve.  But I also know it’s not true.  I heard some statistic that 80% of Americans didn’t read a book last year.  I don’t think I’m an intellectual elitist for thinking that’s effing insane, but maybe I am.  And so be it.  

It is kind of deal-breaker. I’m not saying I wouldn’t date a guy if he didn’t read, but I’m sorry, if your facebook wall doesn’t list favorite books I’m going to get a little nervous.  If the ratio of books-read to Judd-Apatow-movies-watched in the last year is skewed in the wrong direction, I will think twice. 

No, I guess I am saying I wouldn’t date a guy who doesn’t read.  I was an English major. I want to be a writer.  Books are kind of what I do.

Not that it matters.  There are no boys who would’ve read this far by now anyway.  Good one.

it’s finally today 30 November 2007

Nov 30
It’s finally today. My race countdown widget says “1 days”.
Amazing. There’s this new me who takes risks and tries things she never thought she would and actually enjoys exercise…but somewhere inside there’s also the old me who stresses out at the last minute. At that’s how I find myself this morning. With a long to-do list before I hit the road to Memphis. But a very important one is my last run. A victory lap of the neighborhood before I test my feet out in a new one.

Last 30 minutes before the Big Race. Funny, how during the first 30 minutes of a run I feel like it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, but once I’m past that stage it feels like I could run forever.
It really is all mental.

I think I have a good trick for tomorrow. For the first 30 minutes I’m going to try to think about nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just concentrate on my pace and my breathing. Then if I need to think later, I’ll start with song lyrics, and then think about how happy I’ll be to call and text everyone afterwards that I did it. And that I didn’t stop. No matter how hard it got.

Today’s SparkPeople mass e-mail is “remember to reward yourself”. Oh don’t worry, mass e-mail. I will…

and a pen to sign autographs 28 November 2007

Nov 28 wed
Omgosh. Can’t believe the race is 3 DAYS AWAY!
And I can’t believe that my brain is playing the “maybe I can’t do this game.” Oh I can do this. I can and I’m going. St. Jude already has my $60. I’ve worked hard ALL semester, and a lot of people are counting on the fact that I’m going ot pull through on this. So…I’m not going to wimp out in the final round.
No matter how much my knee hurts…
Or how worried I am about cold weather…
I am half-marathon ready. Ima gonna run 13 miles on Saturday. This is a big deal, y’all.

today’s iMix:
Lose Yourself—eminem
All these things I’ve done—Killers
Crazy—Beyonce
I will buy you a new life—everclear
If you really love me—oh stevie, sing me songs.
Woman—wolfmother
Over My head—the fray
Don’t Go Away—Oasis (if ever there was a song that makes me want to succeed for the sake of all the failures of junior-high me, this is it.)
Used 2 Love U—John Legend
Autumn—Pico Vs Island Trees

30 minutes today. Tomorrow I’ll do an hour, another 30 on Friday…I should be good…
Then Saturday I’ll run for a decent-length movie.
I’ll run for the drive to Kansas City.
I’ll run for 2 episodes of This American Life.

My knee does hurt. I’m worried about it. It’s held up this long…please don’t crap out on me now…so I am again all Advil, and all comfortable shoes, and all stretching…
Oh boy I’m ready to carb load tomorrow. Bring on the bagels!
Listen to me. “Carb load.” Almost as if I actually know what I’m talking about.

Today I again asked Kevin about what I should eat, how much to drink. Things we’ve talked about 100 times but I like sage advice. It makes me more at ease.
So he rattles off a list of healthy foods (pizza’s okay but be careful of cheese, lots of veggies, an apple) and then “…and a pen to sign autographs.” hahaha.

I said “I’m nervous.” and he said, “Nervous?! You mean trained, pumped, ready, bring it on, I got this, right?” And he’s right. I haven’t worked this long or this hard just to wimp out here in the last stretch when it’s gotten tough. (wow. If that ain’t a metaphor for life, I don’t know what is). And surely the last 30 minutes of the race (the 30 minutes I haven’t ever run) aren’t going to be the easiest thirty minute run of my life.
But that’s no reason to give up.
Not now.

Black Friday 23 November 2007

Nov 23 Black Friday

Registering for the Big Race. Feels real now. Real scary.

Waiver: By checking the box below, you agree, warrant and covenant as follows…
(”warrant and covenant,” who wrote this, Moses?)

Statements in the waiver begin with “the athlete acknowledges”…let’s face it, people. At this point I’d pretty much agree to anything that called me an Athlete.
Though there is a whole lotta tiny print…

I also had to estimate my “expected Finish time.” EFT.
What the EFT.
I put 2 hours 10 minutes.

I feel a little woozy.

“So no sun. Thanks for lying, weather widget” 22 November 2007

Thurs 11.22 oh man oh man

At 6:30 on Thanksgiving morning I’m having definite runner’s remorse. Why did I want to do a 5k on turkey day? Why is it only 28 degrees right now? Why was a ½ marathon such an exciting goal for me (holy hell it’s a week and a half away…)?
I slept kind of restlessly. Christmas morning feelings plus anxiety. It’s just so comfy and warm in bed…but I also didn’t want to oversleep.

Jennifer and I are running together. That’ll be a challenge for a Solo Runner like me.
But I’m trying to turn all these challenges into fun. That’s what this one’s all about after all. People dress up like pilgrims and Indians for pete’s sake. There’s a turkey on my free t-shirt. And it’s all for a good cause.

I’m ready to kick this 5k’s ass. Meaning, if I can break 30 minutes I’ll be a super stud ☺
If I could do 27 minutes I’d feel like a super super stud.
It’s just 3 miles. Dude. You got this.
(But dude hasn’t run since Saturday. Dude’s training has waned. Dude’s a little worried)
But I have the power of wicking fabrics, and FOOD to look forward to. There’s nothing in this world to worry about now.
I’ve an idea! While running I should think about all the things I am thankful for. That’s super hokey, but it ought to at least motivate me for a mile or so…
1) functioning legs
2) changing seasons
3) personal challenges
Trying to think positive. Ok now I’m just stalling. Go get ready.

Was just letting my mind drift while getting ready about the half marathon (in *gulp* 9 days) and how part of the excitement is not knowing exactly if I’m going to be able to to do it (not like in July of course, I mean I AM going to do it…) If it were just going to be easy, and there was no mystery about it, what would be the fun in that?

And then I had to pause, and realize how different me of November 2007 sounds. I mean I’ve always loved a good challenge, but a challenge I knew I could beat. Always avoiding failure. Especially in physical pursuits. Oh look at me now!

—–

9:20 a.m.
Gave Coach Kevin a call, apparently he got 7th overall. Damn.
So. Another 5k down…it was SO cold today.

“So no sun. Thanks for lying, weather widget”—Jen

It was fun running with someone else, mainly to have someone there to giggle with beforehand about how absurdly cold it was (weather widget right now, almost 2 hours later, says 26 degrees), and about how most men should not wear the running tights of the snugly fitting variety they choose (“the poor children…right at eye-level…”), and there happened to be 2 women very close to us at the start in denim skirts. Honest to god denim skirts.
As the national anthem begins, a hush sweeps through the crowd. A man in front of us removes his free turkey trot foam visor. He’s a true patriot.
We speculate about what important announcements are being made by local celebrity Ned Reynolds, since we are back in the 9 minute mile section and can’t hear.

me: Maybe they’ve released wild tigers on the course. And they like girls in orange hats.
She: I’m screwed!

Lessons learned: cold-air numbness + adrenaline of a race have their charms. I couldn’t even feel my lower half until mile 2…so there’s no risk of soreness. I kept up with Jen’s pace, faster than mine, for 2 miles. Was quite proud, but had to slow down my stride in mile 3. Or, I slowed down my stride. Don’t know about “had to”. I don’t remember any particular pain at that point, my legs were fine, my lungs didn’t have that not-enough-air ache. It was 100% mental, and I dropped the ball. Well, and I also had to pee REALLY bad, right from the start. And there were some moments of uncomfortable phlegm.
It was tough, even with motivators along the way. Random guy jogging alone “there’s a spring in your step now. That’s right. Let’s go!” to anyone who would listen. Many parents—mostly dads—running with older elementary school aged kids: “now at this point your brain is going “stop stop” so you just have to tell it to keep going!”
“See that stoplight up there? once we pass that we’re almost done!” It was helpful even for me.

But why did the race have to end on that hill right before Benton?? That hill is murder! I was proud of myself that I was able to pump up the last few strides and pass some people and not feel totally ashamed that I really didn’t do any tricks today.
It was a nice warm up (pun fully intended) for next week. I know I need to hydrate in the days leading up, so that that morning I don’t have to drink so much that I have to pee. There was an actual fear that I would not be able to control my bladder in the cold, with all the concentrating on moving my legs and breathing, my bladder would just go “hey guys, she’s not paying attention. Let’s go!” Bad scene.

Lesson learned #2: Damn! This cold weather running stuff is serious! I do love my new sports bra. As I told Jennifer, it’s serious. Like armor. Like I’m being hugged by a very persistent tiny person, and just around my chest. Ok that metaphor doesn’t quite work. But boy does this bra. Yowza!
I also enjoy my cute Nike jacket, though I’m fearing the cuteness surpasses its practicality after all. It’s too snug to wear over a long sleeve t, and kind of awkward under one. SO I think I need to get another tight layer to go under it.
Also need some cheap gloves and headgear. You would not believe how distracting cold hands are. Oh and tights under my pants.
Dang.

But anyway, I survived this race, and actually pretty easily. The energy of the air through my lungs and my feet warming up the rest of me was really nice.
And to top it all off I get to eat the best meal of the year in just a couple more hours. Not so bad.

winter on its way 21 November 2007

Wed nov 21

Ha. Today somebody got to my blog by searching “creepy dudes”.

Cold, dreary, misty day all day. Fall is finally ending, and winter’s on its way.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and also the Turkey Trot—by second 5k race of the fall. That seems unreal.

And I’m honestly nervous about it. I’m running it with Jennifer, and I would bet she’s in better (more consistently worked-out) shape than I am, and it’s going to be COLD and my body is not used to that. So I know it’s not very badass of me to admit, but I’m a little afraid.

I’m so hardcore I’m taking on challenges that make me scared.
(maybe?)

hellaciously overpriced sportswear 18 November 2007

Lady Footlocker
I made real, live Nike running clothes purchases.

[The scene opens with me buying hellaciously overpriced sportswear. A Nike dryfit running jacket (it's pink!) and Champion sportsbra (it's intense. like control top pantyhose...)]
cashier: Are you running in a race?
me: Yes, Actually. I’m doing my first half-marathon December first.
she: I was going to ask if you’re doing the Turkey Trot.
me: Yeah, I am. To warm up.
she: I couldn’t do it. So I commend anyone who can.

The fact that this conversation can even happen blows my mind. Best money I ever spent!

It was a happy sprawl 17 November 2007

Saturday November 17
14 days until the Big Race
8:30-10:00 y’all

Was vegging out to some crap TV for a few minutes (my brain doesn’t want to do anything else after a long run) and stumbled upon some style show on E! hosted by Daisy Fuentes. God, it was painful. But I stayed on it just long enough to hear the statistic that 8000 girls under the age of 18 had botox last year.
Let that sink in.
Eight thousand.
Eighteen years old.
Friggen botox.

What the hell, America? Really.

Ok but enough complaining about society. I promise I won’t put you through that today!

90 minutes. An hour and a half. Shoot! Tried to replicate race conditions a little bit today, which means running with my contacts in and WITHOUT my iPod. 90 minutes with nothing to listen to besides my thoughts and my breathing. Now that’s scary. It was intimidating at the start, but amusing what my mind ultimately came up with to entertain itself.
The first 30 minutes or so was a combination of fragmented song lyrics, old yoga affirmations: “I am calm, I am quiet, I am at peace”, and a little game I like to play called “let’s not look at our watch until it’s been at least 30 minutes.”
(And how do you even WIN such a game?! It messes with your head! Ah, but it does pass the time. Unfortunately I looked at my watch after 25 minutes, and was a little sad.)

Those first 30 minutes are really tough mentally. The trick is to get myself far enough away from home, that I HAVE to run back that far. Walking back would take way too long. There’s also a lot of mental shit-giving that’s necessary. “You aren’t going to quit now. You have to run a race in 2 weeks. Are you going to let yourself down? You suck. Don’t quit. You’ll be really disappointed in yourself if you only run 30 today.”

There’s also a little tricking myself into thinking if I can do this long run, I can do ANYTHING, and I can make up for every time I felt bad in junior high, for every insecurity I have about being the only girl onstage, etc.
The second thirty minutes was a lot of reliving various failures and triumphs. This serves two purposes: it keeps my mind distracted and also gives it fuel. Oh you’re too cool for me Dustin in seventh grade? That’s how it is? Well I ran 90 minutes today, so bet you’re sorry now.

The third half-hour I must say was my favorite. I resorted to telling myself stories to keep my mind entertained. “Once there was a girl named Sarah. She liked to run…” No, really. Then I went into reliving embarrassing stories from childhood, as if I were telling them to a new friend for the first time (remind me to tell you the one about the family video camera, circa 1991). Then my personal favorite new time-passing technique: retelling favorite movie plots. I told myself the first third of When Harry Met Sally.

Moral of the story: I really missed my iPod.

But, it can be done. And at least during the big race there is going to be entertainment and new scenery and other runners and adrenaline and all that.

It was nice to know I was out kicking my butt that early on a Saturday morning, before most people’s hangovers have worn off.

End of run. Stopped, and there was a split second of pure energy again. I snapped my fists up into the air, and my arms felt full. I don’t really know how else to describe it. But it’s a feeling I had all over: completely full and alive. The walk back down the sidewalk felt like I was on a moving sidewalk at the airport. Very surreal. My legs were moving, but it didn’t really feel like it—not after running for an hour and half—it was more like floating. And I was worried…I knew the pain had to be in there somewhere. Where was the stiff-robot feeling I get after a challenging run? Was I going to collapse without warning once this numbness wore off? Thankfully, no, but the soreness did show up about 15 minutes later, and I just sprawled out on my kitchen floor.

(It was a happy sprawl.)