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I was ready to be all humane until the F*er ate my snickers.

12 August 2007

Sunday August 12
And now a detour into Everyday Life: Mousegate Episode One

Was putting away groceries from last night’s Wal-Mart trip, to discover my Snickers had fallen through the wire shelf and was on the floor of my cabinet. Oh wait though, it didn’t fall through, it was sure enough forced through and ripped into by a savage beast. Shreds of plastic wrapper surrounded the scene, and my limited-time-only dark chocolate Snickers, which I had yet to enjoy, had been gnawed on deep into the nougat and caramel. I got SO angry I was spouting expletives left and right. “The little f*cker ate my Snickers!” I was shocked and hurt. I thought my pantry was mouse proof, but apparently the bastards can climb. I also felt somewhat betrayed. Following the finding of some mouse poop evidence, I’d bought some humane mousetraps. Not wanting to murder, just relocate, my rodent friends.

But the Snickers theft, that’s almost too much to bear. I found the old school mousetraps that the previous Hall Director had left for me in a kitchen cabinet. A silent warning of solidarity. I even sat down intending to open them, but then I thought of little Remy from Ratatouille, and I couldn’t let myself murder Patton Oswalt, and his little dreams of being a mouse chef. So I begrudgingly put the real mousetraps back, hoping my humane ones will work better than I assume they will. I’m skeptical, just like I’m skeptical of organic deodorant. If it doesn’t contain chemicals that will give me cancer, how will it keep me from sweating? I baited both of them with carefully sliced pieces of my perhaps delicious dark chocolate Snickers (alas, I will never know…) and hope to capture the little guy soon.

I just can’t do it…

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