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soon it’s going to be gone

2 November 2007

Nov 2
5:30 p.m.
Writing on my stoop, enjoying the last hours of sunlight and long shadows.
Just walked around trying to take some digital pictures of the fall leaves on campus, notice I said “trying” because my photographic eye doesn’t match the photographic eye of my heart, which wants to fully capture all the beauty and dancing of the sunlight through the branches, while my photos just don’t quite get there. But I try.

There is something wonderful about walking around in flip flops in November. Trying to soak up, while I can, one of the last days of walking around in shorts and in sunlight. If only life could be permanently fall, permanently mild and blue sky with clouds looking just like Bob Ross brushstrokes, when you are aware the sun is there but it’s not burning…It’s perfect.

And I think I’ve learned something about my disposition today…being left alone just me and my thoughts isn’t the best prescription for me. I need human interaction more than I like to admit. Today I spent most of the day just me and me hanging out, which I crave. I love alone time. But then on my outdoor walk around with my camera, I ran into a student who was also taking fall photos. We chit-chatted, I walked on. Then another student, who shared a rice crispy treat from class. We chit-chatted. Two really good students, the kind of responsible, smart, joe-collegey boys that Drury needs more of. Then I bump into an RA leaving the commons. “where have you been all my life?” “Smith Hall!” and we catch up about working out, weekend plans.
It’s amazing how much those little, seemingly meaningless and random conversations really do add up improving the texture of a day.

In a day of little accomplishment, I did drive my recycling over to the center, including glass I’d been hoarding for weeks. Dumping all those glass bottles into the dumpster was therapeutic. Clank! Clank! Break! Who says Spring Cleaning is the only way to go? Again, I see fall as a time of new beginnings, more than I ever have before.

On my way to the recycling center I drove by a bldg that’s being demolished at Campbell and Central. It wasn’t that way earlier in the week when I ran by, and had my little creative spark. Strange.
The dump truck and backhoes were bright shades of yellow and orange—like the trees I’ve been admiring. I parked across the street for just a minute to stare at the damage, to try to construct a meaning out of destruction and renewal…recycling / seasons changing / relationships ending and staying that way / an old building reduced to its basic parts: steel bars and concrete bricks. I want to rifle through the damage, to find some evidence of the humanity that took place in that building, the people who valued it or hated it over the years, the lives were spent in it.
Because soon it’s going to be gone.
Just like fall.
Just like my time here at Drury.
It can’t last forever. My time as a student is already gone gone gone. And I can feel it on fall days. This place holds different meaning for me than it did in 2002. Good lord, that seems like so long ago.

Well, if nothing else it feels really really good to write. To spend some minutes just letting my thoughts happen, and not stay trapped in my head.

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