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and now for something completely shallow

12 May 2009

151 Days

Things that are true:
1) I ran for 45 minutes tonight. (45 y’all!) Out of nowhere. Love the exponential get-better-ness once I get to a certain point (the point I’m at right about now).
2) Running at night, man. Brilliant. Not much traffic, less self-consciousness, perfect weather, breaks up the monotony.
3) Outkast still bangin’ after all these years.
4) Reading Bridget Jones’ Diary again, and doing so makes me take on her diary style and British mannerisms (see: “Brilliant” above). love the lovely bridget book. lalalala.
5) BREATHING. Important, huh? Have noticed if I start out being conscious of my breathing, I can go a lot farther. Like 45 minutes. Boo-ya.
6) Nothing will motivate a good run like trying on swimwear…

Today I tried on swimsuits at Target. Because I like to punish myself.
My new Oprah magazine had a section on suits-for-every-body, and this polka-dot number from Target got me all excited to go swimsuit shopping. So I waltzed into Target this afternoon, straight into the swimsuit section, literally the first thing in the store after the $1 bins (and oh how I love the dollar bins…).
They had a ton to choose from.
Some with highlighter-bright colors and patterns reminding me of trapper keepers.
Some crocheted with skin-color fabric behind it. Hullo.
Some that I could immediately write-off as too skimpy, too trashy, too juvenile.

But I found a few that I was actually optimistic about. And to my surprise, not a one was a tankini and only one involved boy short bottoms. (this is huge.) My favorite was a crayon green version of the brown one i’d seen in Oprah. Cute little gathered bandeau top, slightly more coverage-y bottoms (read: no strings). Perfect color.
The dressing room had different plans for my optimism. I mean, y’all know I’m working out a ton lately. And it is starting to show a wee bit. But even IF I were in Victoria’s Secret model shape (a few more months out, at least. requiring more crunches. and surgery.), I don’t think I could shake the feeling that i am wearing a BRA and UNDERWEAR in PUBLIC.
And not even that. I own underwear (and the cute kind, not the granny kind, thank you) that I would sooner wear in public.
I mean, SOOOO much booty on display with those bottoms. Beyonce would tell a girl to wear a sarong.
I dressed as quickly as I could, and handed my choices back to the dressing room lady, who nicely joked “at least you aren’t weeping!”
True, but I wasn’t smiling either. Laughing, yes. But not purchasing. Seriously. Might as well strap on some fig leaves and call it good. Or just revert to my past routine…tankini with shorts.

Miss America swimwear circa 1920s.  No implant scandals here.

Miss America swimwear circa 1920s. No implant scandals here.

In my car as I’m leaving Target, I hear “That Thing” on the radio. Oh Lauryn Hill, you’re as relevant as ever.

Who you gon’ tell when the repercussions spin
Showing off your ass ’cause you’re thinking it’s a trend
Girlfriend, let me break it down for you again
You know I only say it ’cause I’m truly genuine
Don’t be a hard rock when you really are a gem
Baby girl, respect is just a minimum

Holler!
I know it’s a leap to go from I-don’t-like-my-butt-in-swimwear to hatin’ on men, but really ladies. Isn’t it about time we (meaning the 99% of us with more than 1% body fat) demanded the kind of respect we deserved and let some stuff be left to the imagination (or at least make ’em work for it). Every sleazebag at the lake does not need to know every detail of my anatomy.

Thanks, but no thanks, Target.
As Bridget Jones would say, inner poise. Goodbye F***wittage!

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. 13 May 2009 1:54 pm

    I kind of feel your pain. In a different way.

    In other news – you’re adorable.

  2. Amanda permalink
    19 May 2009 10:13 pm

    Dude, Target has NO cute swimsuits this year. This is the third time I’ve gone and I finally decided to try some on even though I wasn’t that excited about them. And while I was actually quite proud of how in-shape my body has become, the swimsuits were just not cute! And then I thought of you and this post, especially because I rejected one because it had TOO MUCH coverage (I do not want wide white tan-line stripes covering my entire collarbone/chest area.) Geez.

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