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Birth Week’s Over; Training Day 1.

6 July 2009

The 14 week countdown to the Big Race has begun. 96 days and counting.

Thanks to wireless being down, I didn’t get to post all the way up to big #26 yesterday. Blog post evidence or no, I had the best birthday weekend ever. Could not have asked for more.

But today’s Monday.

I went running this afternoon, and the sky was cartoon blue. Bright and clear with puffy white clouds. Friendly sunshine, a warm breeze.

I went without my ipod because i needed to think.
A sky like that makes me feel really small, and start to think about the world and all the other people in it. Last night I finished Cormac McCarthy’s The Road, after just three days. This is a book to be devoured. Oprah’s Book Club got it right. I shouldn’t reveal more than that, but it’s worth reading. For all it implies about the future of people, and who we are at our best and our worst, the extremes of love and survival.
When I checked it out at Park Central Library last week, I sat and read for a few minutes. (Park Central Library is an interesting little people-watching joint. Do it sometime.) I was loving the book from page one. While I sat there, a little boy asked his dad if he could get a library card. The dad said yes, and the little boy did a happy dance, clutching his thin children’s book, and did a D.J. Tanner “yessss!” pump. All I could do was smile, and think, “I’m with ya kid.”
Books are that magical for me.
Even one like The Road, whose darkness overwhelms its light.

But back to running. And thinking about people.
I was thinking how we all have our good days and bad. It’s hard to remember that perspective when I get down in my own dumps, but it’s true.
We all have days where we nibble tiramisu with a spoon, or where our team starts trivia night with a first place round, or where our minds and hearts feel more open than we ever thought possible. The good days.
We also all have days where our dreams turn into nightmares, or we crouch on the floor with a kleenex pressed to our eyes, or we forget what it feels like to trust someone. The bad days.

Everyone, all of us, everybody has both kinds of days. both highs and lows, with a lot of just okay, -ish days in between.
If you stop to think about how many of either side you get, it can seem pretty random. Even a little unfair.

but i’m thinking today it all comes down to choices.
the kind you made and those that you avoided making.

sometimes the only choice you have is to realize that both kinds of days are valuable, and can teach you more about how to be a better version of yourself—if you let them. And it’s better to let them, because there are some lessons that just keep coming back until I learn them for real.

Everybody has birthdays and mondays. After 26 years I should have that much figured out.
I wish being this “grown up” meant I’d stop making mistakes. Stop avoiding tough choices. Stop hurting people, whether I mean to or not.
I’m still selfish enough to want tiramisu days every day.
But you can’t eat that every day. Not if you want to run a marathon. That’s going to take some hard days, too.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Amanda permalink
    7 July 2009 12:55 pm

    I know, I have seen little kids at the library, so excited to get their library card and check out books, and it warms my heart. I remember when I was little, we had a special bag that was for library books and every week or two we would make a trip to the library and fill the bag up! And then it was so exciting to get home and pick out a book to read at bedtime each night.

  2. John permalink
    7 July 2009 3:08 pm

    Happiness is a state of mind, not a state of affairs. You control more than you think!

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