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75 Days: hard-core face

27 July 2009

{written on monday; published on wednesday. deal.}

a happy surprise: i have eleven weeks left. not ten as i’d been telling myself. bonus.

When I pass lots of traffic I find myself practicing my hard-core face: a low scowling squint, a la Clint Eastwood, paired with a brisk, tonguey exhale, like blowing a bubble, or—I assume—blowing smoke.

When I have trouble staying motivated I ask myself, “why do i run?” a rusty old truck passes on my right, a little too close for comfort, and i realize one good reason is there’s this part of my brain [i imagine it wears a party hat and is always eating skittles] that keeps me from wanting to run into oncoming traffic. [metaphorically, of course. even the urge to think about it.] This part keeps me keeping out of harm’s way. and running makes it stronger. i just feel better when i’m running. later in the day i feel more alive.

Toward the end of a run I don’t always feel so full of life. only five minutes left seems so daunting. then i remind myself i’ve spent twice as much time absentmindedly trimming my split ends. Quitting has such appeal in that moment, but absolutely no payoff. 
For book club I’m reading Julie & Julia (fabulous), and she talks about simple vs. easy. Nutshell: French cooking is simple; McDonald’s is easy.
Running is the simplest thing in the world; you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Quitting is easy, but it leaves a big mess.

As I’m writing Jenksie Cat struggles for a sip of my vanilla whey protein “shake” (as much as a shake can be made with water and a spoon). it’s not sooooo bad…dissolved chalk in water must be worse. still i shoot her my hard-core face, trust me jenksie, you don’t want none of this.

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